Surviving Shepard
by Vshard
Summary: When Shepard left, Kaidan Alenko watched as the world didn't stop. It did not wait for a new hero, but went on without one. Yet all is not lost. Some things even death can not stop - can only delay it a while. ME2 Shenko. Serving Under Shepard sequel -AU-
1. Shattered Glass

The glass shattered into thousands of tiny fragments as it flew across the room. The miniature pieces sparkled in the muted light of the lecture room before freezing in place. Kaidan held his outstretched hand steady while directing the dark energy surrounding the broken glass into a nearby trash bin. He closed his eyes and inhaled as the incident was contained. It was unintended, but useful.

When the staff commander returned his focus to the assembled group of biotic students, his expression revealed no hint of error. His voice held the smooth control he hoped would both intimidate and educate his audience. "And that is why control is the most important skill you will learn."

A slight girl with copper pigtails cupped a hand around her mouth as she whispered to the boy closest to her, "What just happened?"

The young teen scowled and didn't bother to hush his voice as he offered an answer - not just to her, but to the whole room. "The glass must have had a flaw. When the energy Commander Alenko used to pull it toward him acted upon it, the flaw was amplified and spread out through the whole until Boom!" He spread his hands wide in demonstration. "Sort of like that time you tried to pull a datapad toward you. When it hit the security booth window, the cracks spread out to a size bigger than the impact of the pad itself."

As the entire class turned toward the pair, a heated flush grew across the girl's face. She crossed her arms as though she could bring her story back to her, keep it known only by a few, but it was too late. "You're a jerk, Nick."

"He is correct, though." Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck. He had successfully returned the group's attention to him, but somehow he still felt like he'd just been called on to give the value of pi to the fourteenth place. "All items, even natural ones, have flaws that should be taken into account when you exert a force upon them. This is especially true for items that are mass manufactured." He paused. Part of him wanted to continue on about the increasing lack of quality control as demand grew and outlets were spread thinner, but that wasn't the reason he'd come to the Grissom Academy. "Are there any other questions?"

Another boy, around Nick's age, leaned forward eagerly. "Is it true you actually knew Commander Shepard?"

There it was. Two years later and the universe still found a way to remind him of her on a nearly daily basis. Kaidan kept his tone clipped and official. "Yes, that's true."

The boy leered. "Was she as smokin' hot as all the recruitment posters show her as?"

"Seshaun!" Captain Jimenez chastised the teen from the other side of the room, arms crossed. "We are lucky to have the staff commander as our guest. You will keep both your tone and the topic respectful, especially with regards to our fallen heroes." The security chief sighed. "Please continue, Commander."

Kaidan stopped his hand dead at his side as it began to reach for his hairline again. He didn't have to answer the question. In fact, not doing so was preferable as he considered all of the unofficial answers he could give. He'd never liked those posters and didn't think Shepard would have cared much for them either.

Then he took a good look at the faces before him. After his reprimand, Seshaun had taken to staring somewhere off toward the viewing window behind the commander. Nick's earlier pride had tapered into expected disappointment. So young and yet already hardened by the evasion and half-answers people outside of the Ascension Project - people who didn't understand - often offered. It wasn't the derision they might have faced in the past, but the effects of the wave of political correctness following his own promotion and Chairman Burns' latest efforts was still much less than these kids deserved.

It was a small thing, this answer, but he could at least give them some sort of honesty. "You know, I never felt they did her justice. No matter how high the resolution of video gets, it's still missing that certain something life provides - that aura a person has." The staff commander took a moment to observe once more. He still didn't quite have them. They were drifting between vague interest and boredom. He loosened his stance and cocked a half smile. "Plus, they edited out her battle scars so they wouldn't scare away new recruits."

He was rewarded by a wave of laughter from the older members of his audience and a few excited hoots from the younger males, mostly from Seshaun, who exclaimed, "Stellar! I want some battle scars!"

Nick threw back his shoulders as he proudly puffed out his chest. "I already have some."

While the class buzzed over Nick's fight wounds and Seshaun glared, Kaidan realized the copper-haired girl was raising her hand. He nodded in her direction.

"Do you have any scars, Staff Comman'er Alenko?" Two girls nearby giggled while the questioner turned a deeper shade of red. It didn't stop her from beaming expectantly though.

_More than you know._ Kaidan pushed an easy smile onto his face. "I'm sorry, I don't believe I caught your name."

More giggling and blushing. "Cassandra."

"Well, Cassandra, I don't believe you'll ever meet a soldier who didn't have scars of some kind or other." He stopped himself there, hoping the answer was satisfactory. It was an evasion, but it did lessen the intense stare of the girl's older classmates who seemed to have put the commander up on a poster of their own. It was the least comfortable aspect of this tour he'd encountered so far.

"But don't your biotics keep the bad stuff from getting too close to you?" Cassandra's young eyes were saucer sized.

Kaidan knelt down to the girl's level. It wasn't a very commander-like action, but he didn't feel much like a commander then. A small voice at the back of his mind tugged, reminding him it was something Commander Shepard would have done. "Sometimes a soldier puts himself in places where there are things that happen beyond his control. Sometimes he forgets to keep his barriers up and sometimes the thing that's coming is too much for him even if he's fully on his guard. The only certainty in this is that the more you practice and the better you get at using your talents, the less likely it is that these situations will happen. Even so-" He took her hand in his as images of copper pigtails stuffed into a well-worn, standard issue helmet rushed past. "-I hope you are never in such a place."

As the staff commander rose to his feet, he flicked his gaze over toward Captain Jimenez. He was done.

The security chief clapped her hands once, gaining the attention of the full crowd of students. All except Cassandra, whose eyes stayed on the man at the front of the room. Beside the captain, Jacob Berg, the academy's math professor announced the conclusion of the lecture. "Break for lunch. Group discussions will begin this afternoon and regular classes will resume tomorrow after Staff Commander Alenko's talk on innovative use of elementary skills."

"I expect you to have some well-thought questions for him then." Jimenez added.

Kaidan didn't linger as the students filed out. He felt the captain's hawk eyes on his back as he sought his egress. Perhaps someday, the woman would come to realize that even on her watch, he was a capable soldier in his own right and not just some valuable commodity The Alliance had chosen as a biotic figurehead, but it wouldn't be today. But he could catch that earful later. For now, his private guest room was looking quite inviting.

As he walked down the halls, the staff commander found himself considering the _other_ reasons he was here. His recent assignments were placing him in increasingly remote and powerless positions, as though the brass was trying to keep him out of the way. Or maybe it just felt as though they were. It was hard to replace that throat-tightening, heart-pumping ride to save the galaxy, he'd been on just two years ago. Not that he'd want to. One of those was enough for a lifetime.

_Reaper. _The word that had set him so at odds with the powers above him was beginning to feel a little more distant every day. It didn't help that he was the only one around who seemed to remember it existed. He shook his head in a minute gesture. He might as well throw stones at the sky for all the help he could lend alone should the Reaper threat ever become real. No, it was better to focus on what he could do now whether it be fortifying outlying colonies or helping biotic children find a measure of confidence.

Still lost in his thoughts, the staff commander stepped into his room and slid into the seat in front of the terminal the Academy had been kind enough to provide him with. He had meant to do a little research on some of the children he spoke to today, but a blinking indicator by his inbox drew his attention first.

Amidst the requests for appearances, fleet updates, and entreaties for him to enlarge his manhood was a simple, no-subject email from one J. Moreau. Kaidan's hand tensed as he pictured the last time he'd seen him. A year ago, _the Normandy's _pilot had been standing in the doorway of Admiral Hackett's office telling him just where he could stick his grounding order before he'd stormed off into parts unknown.

Kaidan hadn't minded the man's absence then, still furious at his role in Shepard's death. But then there was time. Time had shown him that he, himself, wouldn't have done any different...

Hastily, before the next memory rose, he clicked the link.

* * *

From: Jeff Moreau [jeff·moreau©fifthfleet·mil·sa]

Sent: January 1, 2185 22:03 UT

To: Kaidan Alenko [kaidan·alenko©fifthfleet·mil·sa]

Subject: [No Subject]

Hey.

We really need to talk. I mean really.

Joker.


	2. Cyrene Silence

From: Kaidan Alenko (kaidan·alenko©fifthfleet·mil·sa)

Sent: January 2, 2185 17:23 UT

To: Jeff Moreau (jeff·moreau©fifthfleet·mil·sa)

Subject: Re: [No Subject]

Joker,

It's good to hear from you.I was beginning to think you'd found some exotic cruiser to pilot away from all us poor grunts.

But yeah, we should talk. Name a time and a place.

-Kaidan

* * *

Joker. The staff commander tipped the chair back and crossed his hands behind his head as he thought about what the pilot could want to talk about. The last time they had actually spoken was... Kaidan couldn't remember.

There had been little to talk about after... after the Alchera incident. That wasn't to say that there wasn't much talking. Oh, there had been long, long talks. Each of the remaining Normandy crew had sat with Admiral Hackett, Councilor Anderson, Ambassador Udina, and a slew of nearly identical suits weighed down with too many metals. And each had tried their own methods to get a word in edgewise, but still the final decision had come down. Without Shepard, they weren't a crew and they would all be re-assigned elsewhere or, in the case of the non-human members of the crew, not at all.

Kaidan had been lucky, initially. He and Ash had landed decent positions on the same ship, but Joker... he hadn't handled the mandated psychiatric appointments very well and they grounded him for it. Grounded. If the pilot hadn't been broken before, they'd certainly seen to it that he was afterward.

At the very least, Kaidan could find out how the past year had treated the man. It was almost as though he'd disappeared off the map entirely.

The commander sighed and sat upright. This thought process was a well-trod path that never lead anywhere positive. What he could really use right then was a hot tea and a moment completely without thoughts or anyone he had to talk to. The clock on the desk near his console read almost half past 18:00 hours. If he was lucky, that would be well past the time the students lingered in the cafeteria.

18:30. He shook his head as he stood and walked to the door. What had he been doing? There was something about the extranet that left it best avoided for those who valued their time.

* * *

The room wasn't quite as empty as Kaidan had hoped, but contained few enough students that he was able to spot a quiet place away from scrutiny. Before heading over, he approached the counter, where an older woman seemed to be presiding over tray after tray of monochromatic vegetable mush.

"What c'I getcha?" The brown-haired matron didn't look up from the giant spoonful of green paste she was peeling off into a large basin.

"A tea." Kaidan peered in past the counter discretely just to be sure this kitchen did, in fact, carry such things. "Please." Better to stay on the woman's good side.

"What kind of tea?" With a surprisingly gentle clatter, the woman set down her utensils and pulled several boxes out from the shelf below.

The staff commander's resolve withered just slightly. "Any kind of tea."

She held up a box with a stately name that did a fair impression of being made of actual wood. "Earl Grey?"

"Sure."

"Hot or c-"

"Just. A tea. Please." Kaidan gripped the counter edge until his knuckles turned white then slowly released it. "Hot." It wasn't the woman's fault that even such a simple process pushed him dangerously close to a complete collapse of the levee he'd constructed to hold back the last two years, but couldn't he just get a tea?

Immediate relief came as the cup, hot enough to be uncomfortable to touch, was pushed into his hands. He clutched it close, savoring the spikes of heat that ran along the worn callouses of his palms. Just as he turned toward his little corner of solitude, a woman's voice broke in from just over his shoulder. "Early Grey huh? I hear that's the best. Even better than that asari stuff."

Closing his eyes, Kaidan inhaled slowly then turned with a friendly smile pulling at the edges of his lips. He fumbled with keeping it going as he realized he had no idea who the woman was. She looked around the age of eighteen though the bobbed cut of her brown hair lent her an air of sophistication that lead suggested she might be a year or two older. Either way, she was certainly older than the average student here and she didn't look like any staff member he had met so far. "Ah... that's good to know. Pardon the question, but have we met?"

"No. I'm Oriana." The woman smiled warmly as she held up a hand. "No need to introduce yourself. Everyone on the station is abuzz about Commander Alenko."

Kaidan felt his cheeks burn as though they alone had sucked all the heat from the cup in his hands. "I'm sure that's an exaggeration."

"True." Oriana glanced to the side, seemingly self-conscious herself. "But um... you were a good enough reason for my parents to let me skip a few days of classes so I certainly know who you are!"

Her words made her appear younger than Kaidan had originally guessed. He tilted his head and adjusted his tone accordingly. "I didn't see you at the lecture."

"Oh, no. We didn't get in until after it was too late, but I am so looking forward to tomorrow's one." She tucked a bit of hair behind her ear. "I'm especially interested in inventive uses for simple biotics."

_So am I_, the commander thought to himself. He hadn't yet planned out the entirety of his speech to his satisfaction. "Was there something in particular you were hoping to hear about?" It couldn't hurt to have add a few focus points.

"Well," Oriana gushed, "there's this vid where you short-circuit a whole AI by killing its power source with dark energy. I'm very interested in how you were able to maneuver around the corner without having any visual reference points!"

Kaidan blinked. He remembered the incident. Some sort of rogue AI built into a mainframe of the Citadel Presidium had been funneling credits from a nearby casino. In attempting to find the source of the siphoning, he and Shepard had become locked in a stalemate as the machine threatened to commit an explosive form of suicide and take them with it. The question was, how did this woman know about it? He and Shepard had been the only one there and the report had been sealed.

Noting the quizzical expression on the commander's face, Oriana continued. "It's like... common knowledge. It's been all over the extranet since someone clipped the security feed and put it up on View-Too. It has over 5,000 hits - 2,500 from the Bio-Board alone." She beamed proudly.

"That was-" Whatever Kaidan had been about to say was lost as he caught a clear view of a familiar reporter on the vid screen behind Oriana's head.

"I'm here in Takera Ward on the Citadel where family members frustrated by the Alliance's lack of response to the communication outage on Cyrene have gathered to express their outrage until either the ambassadors and top ranking officers stationed here or The Council itself answer their cries."

"Similar gatherings have been reported on Earth where the growing sentiment is that the Alliance is not deaf to the pleas, but unable to restore communications to the remote colony. Some even suspect a large plot in play as many who attempt to travel to that destination have found their plans stymied by additional paperwork, restrictions, and unspecified delays."

As the reporter on the screen threaded through the throng of people to thrust a microphone before a particularly outraged man, Kaidan glanced back to Oriana. The woman was hardly concerned with the broadcast, but seemed amused by the commander's interest. "Friend of yours?"

Behind her, the report concluded. "I'm Khalisah al'Jilani, Westerlund News."

Kaidan grimaced. "Absolutely not. I'm surprised she's still on the air. Her reports are just tenuous facts surrounded by massive assumptions."

"That's the news for ya. Take any little thing and blow it up until it's a major crisis." Gesturing over her shoulder toward the screen that now displayed and advertisement for a krogan skin cream, Oriana shrugged. "I'll bet that whole gathering business was her idea. Probably after some local couldn't figure out how to configure his home console to access the long distance Citadel buoy stream or got fed up with the delay of transferring data across the galaxy."

He had to smile at that. "That seems likely." A cooler against Kaidan's palm reminded him that his neglected tea was now almost useless for its intended use as a stress-relief aid. He drank the bitter, room temperature concoction anyway then turned to his companion as he set his mug on the cafeteria server's counter. "Listen, Oriana. I still have a few things to prepare for tomorrow. I'll see you at the lecture?"

"Oh yeah, sure." The girl smiled half-heartedly and made her way to the table the commander had been eyeing.

Watching her pull out a datapad and begin studying, Kaidan was almost jealous. If only things like genetic theory were still all he had to be concerned about... But he had to get back to his quarters. There was still a lecture to write and now some research to do. Something about the Cyrene story didn't sit quite right with him.


	3. Backward Steps

"...and we have now infiltrated the harvester lair. We are taking cover below the south precipice, just outside a ring of chattering klixen that surround it. Wait!The klixen are moving away. We can see the harvester now and it... appears to be asleep." A male voice came in over a shaky cinematic as the camera zoomed through the darkness to a woman's closed eyes.

"Succop," the young private responded sharply without opening her eyes. "shut that damn thing off or I'll smash it over your head and feed your ass to that harvester."

The camera angle shifted quickly downward until all Private Succop was narrating were his own feet. "Hell, Shepard, you gotta get that stick out of your ass sometime."

The future commander sounded unperturbed. "Mhm. Will do. Right after K.P."

"Aw, you got kitchen patro-"

A shadow blocked out the shine of Succop's boots as a new voice boomed, "Private! You got nothing to do? I need someone for K.P.!"

"Sir, yes sir!" was private's hasty reply. The view changed rapidly, showing the ceiling along with a brief glimpse of a short man retreating beside a tall man and at least one other uniformed private before becoming almost entirely obstructed by a dark cloud of linen. Somewhere behind the discarded device, Shepard's voice drifted in. "Nope, but you do."

A new, low voice came in over a rustle of folding clothes. "I swear you got cat ears and luck to match, Shep."

"Bull. That man's got a gait as loud as his mouth. Hey, Scifres, you up for a game of Aces?"

"You that anxious to lose your cred-" Three beeps signaled the end of the neglected recording.

* * *

Behind his desk, Kaidan dragged a hand back through his hair. It was incredible. There were literally hundreds of tiny clips scattered throughout the ViewToo portal. So many in fact, that it seemed the brass had grown careless. He had to admit though, for as much as he'd seen, he hadn't come across anything truly damaging. Well, damaging to the Alliance anyway.

The commander tracked the vid clip back a minute and he allowed himself a moment to trace the digitized face of a long-lost woman. Hours of mandated therapy and that familiar ache could still come beckoning at the flick of a switch. Kaidan sighed and closed the screen.

Prior to his romp through his former lover's past, he'd been buried in research on the colony of Cyrene. Or rather, in the attempt. Temperature, gravity, population... Everything that was useful in the tourism trade and completely worthless to him. Beyond al-Jilani's report, there was nothing to indicate any sort of problem. But it was a small colony - lack of news wasn't unusual.

What was unusual was the magnitude of the lack of news. There were no calls for workers, no annual festivals, no forum posts from users hailing from Cyrene. It was almost as though the colony had ceased to exist. _No,_ he told himself, _you're being paranoid. The only conspiracy afoot is the one keeping you off truly active duty until you wither away... Yeah, that therapy had done some real good._ Kaidan rose from his chair and paced the small guest room. He alternated rolling his head along his shoulders and pressing his interlaced hands to the back of his neck as he considered his near future.

His tour - if it could be called that - on Arcturus would be over in a few days. He needed to report to the Citadel after that. Anderson had been taking a personal interest in what remained of the _Normandy_ crew, but ironically, his high position as Councilor left him drained of power to directly influence the decisions of the Alliance. Still, the man preferred to break the news of undesirable orders himself and that's what it would be. Undesirable orders. If he had wanted to check in, he would have simply sent a message.

A knock at the door broke Kaidan's bitter thoughts. His mood didn't improve when he opened it to find a less than happy Captain Jimenez. The woman couldn't have held sterner countenance if her lips had been penciled on plastic wrap and drawn tight across her face. "Commander, you have a guest. It is no longer visiting hours."

_A guest? A live guest come to visit here?_ "Did my ah... inconvenient guest happen to give a name?"

"Yes." Jimenez' tone rivaled the sharp click of the datapad keys the woman hastily clicked off. "One Operations Chief Williams." She paused as if she had more to say, but remained quiet.

"Ash?" Now that would be a sight for sore eyes. "Where is she?"

"Chief Williams is at my office." The captain's grim expression lightened as she studied the commander's face. "...She does check out. Should I send her to your room?"

The implications of Jimenez' choice of words amused Kaidan, making silent laughter tug at the corners of his eyes. Unfortunately, it only seemed to confirm the captain's suspicions. He didn't care. It would be good to see his old friend again. "Yes, please do."

The captain smiled faintly, almost with a sense of... longing? before turning on her heel and retreating down the hall. While waiting, Kaidan returned to his terminal, uncertain that he hadn't missed some notice letting him know his former crewmate would be arriving today.

Unlike the captain, when Williams knocked, she didn't wait for him to answer before she stepped through the automatic door. "Hey LT! Figures I'd find you here of all places." The spunky brunette ran her hand along the nearest wall as though expecting something to rub off from it. "...land of the brains. So! You gonna let me in or what?" The chief's eyes burned with a contagious spirit as she faced the commander fully."

Kaidan laughed as he rose from the terminal to greet the chief with one hand extended. "Ash. It's good to see you, but what are you doing here?"

Not willing to accept only a handshake greeting, Williams closed her hand around the commander's and pulled him into a warm, but brief hug. As she withdrew, she shook her head at him. "You really need to figure out how to take shore leave, LT. Loosen up a little. We're young; we're alive; and we're in good company. You can't celebrate all formal like that." She grinned.

A little stunned, Kaidan took a few steps back, ran a hand through his hair and smiled sheepishly while he tried to think of an apropos comment.

Obviously enjoying the former lieutenant's discomfort, Ash continued on while making a wide sweep with her hands. "As for what I'm doing here... You know that team coming to pick you up? Well, you're looking at part of it. Got here early."

"Well," Kaidan responded as his brain kicked into gear. "That's certainly-"

"-Hey, you got mail from Joker?" The chief craned her head around for a better look at his terminal display. "That bastard hasn't said 'boo' to me since they stripped him." As if realizing what she'd said, Ash appeared slightly chagrined as she quickly made an amendment. "I mean, I know that was tough on him and all, but I could have helped him if he'd just..." Without invitation, she plopped down into the chair and stared at the screen.

The woman was a barely secured mental tornado. Kaidan stared at her as though he could see the whip-like ends of grey wind patterns streaking out from the back of her head. _Was it safe to touch her in that state?_ The commander crossed his arms as he frowned. "Ahem."

Ash jumped out of the chair as though it had suddenly caught fire. "Oh, right! Sorry." Her brown eyes peered at him After a moment's pause, she added, "What did he have to say?"

Kaidan brushed his fingers against his temple, willing away a potential headache. "He didn't really say anything." _Joker had wanted to tell him something that he wasn't going to tell Ash? Interesting. And trouble._

Looking ready to call the commander on what she believed to be an obvious lie, the chief opened her mouth, then closed it when the the console behind her chimed to life with an ad informing Kaidan that millions of women in his area were waiting to meet him. Ash chuckled. "You'd think such a brain academy they'd have better firewalls... Mister Commander of Love."

Still amused by her own joke, the chief leaned down to close the ad as it began a third loop, but that wasn't exactly what she ended up doing. As she pulled the offending screen to the foreground, the main content of the window became evident. Ash stood agape as she looked upon a shot of Shepard, freeze-framed just as she lifted her head proudly to accept her vaunted Spectre status.

"Umm... LT?" The chief frowned, staying motionless for a time. When she finally turned, she merely shook her head.

"Look, I know what you're going to say. It isn't healthy. I need to move on." Kaidan moved past Ash to close the window. He paused, finger hovering a hair's breadth away from hitting the command, then turned. "They made her into a thing, Ash. A picture in a history book. A voice on a goddamned advertisement. But these people... who ever it is out there that posted these - they still remember her. They remember her without ever having known her." They keep her alive." He swallowed hard. "They keep her alive."

Ash looked up at him with bright brown eyes. "I know. I saw that one over a year ago. After Anderson found it in the proceedings archives." She frowned. "But they're right too. Forget shore leave. When's the last time you went out?"

A harmonic chime from the console heralded the arrival of a new message and brought the commander's inbox to the forefront. As Ash awaited a response, Kaidan watched as a single email filtered in and displayed in in preview page.

* * *

From: Mailer Daemon (mailer·daemon©fifthfleet·mil·sa)

Sent: January 2, 2185 20:13 UT

To: Kaidan Alenko (kaidan·alenko©fifthfleet·mil·sa)

Subject: Failure Notice

This is the qmail-send program at fifthfleet·mil·sa.

Your message was unable to be delivered your message to the following addresses. This is a permanent error.

(jeff·moreau©fifthfleet·mil·sa):

999·39·53·1 failed after the message was sent.

Remote host said: 554 delivery error: This account has been disabled or discontinued [#102]. - msa995·mail·fifthfleet·mil·sa


	4. Chasing Ghosts

He was losing them.

As Kaidan looked over his assembled audience, he found that only studious Oriana, stern Jimenez, and bright-eyed Cassandra could have told him whether he was discussing biotics or brain surgery. It was hardly a mystery why the more experienced of the group had lost their focus. His initial set-up of a hoop and ball game had taken far longer than he had anticipated due to the extra time he'd found himself spending bringing younger students up to speed. The level of his patience with them was precisely equal to the level of distraction of the rest of the class.

The commander caught Ash's gaze. She held it for a moment and shrugged apologetically. Then Kaidan had an idea...

"Now, some of you are already familiar with my colleague, Chief Williams." Ash stiffened. Several of the boys - Seshaun and Nick included - quickly turned their heads. Others had already been staring openly. It was then Kaidan's turn to glance at the chief and offer an apologetic shrug.

He transitioned the gesture into an open-palmed wave indicating Williams. "She is a highly trained marine, proficient in hand-to-hand combat, with reflexes honed over years of service." Kaidan's eyes flicked back to Ash before focusing back on the collective group with a forced smile. "Which one of you thinks you can figure out a way to get this ball...", he held up the one they'd been using for practice, "past her and into the far wastebasket without moving from your seat, using your hands-"

"-or being able to see your target clearly." Ash smirked then pointed to several of the girls in the audience. "You, you, you, you, and you - come on up here with me. Form a barricade in front of the boys by standing shoulder to shoulder and raising your hands up high. We'll make then work for their shot."

Cassandra not only held her hands up, but waved one back and forth enthusiastically. "C'we use our biotics too?"

Kaidan smiled as he nodded. "Absolutely. Let's make this a real challenge. So who wants to go first? Seshaun?"

The boy cocked his head to the side. "How are we supposed to-" He frowned as he peered past the line of girls. He was taller, but the waving arms made it difficult to plan a shot into the small basket nestled under the desk. A gleeful Cassandra stuck her tongue out at Seshaun. He retaliated by pursing his lips into a close line and narrowing his eyes as he reached for the ball. He would not be beaten by giggles and pigtails.

Working to keep his angry resolve, he set the ball on the floor and held his right hand over it, creating the gesture he needed to raise the light sphere into the air. The awkwardly-sized features of the teen's face contorted as he focused on bringing the ball higher and higher until the small red object spun innocently centimeters below the ceiling. "Let's see them block this," he muttered in a determined growl as he brought his hand up with fingers splayed outward. Pushed by unnatural forces, the ball sped across the room and bounced off the top corner of the far wall.

All eyes were trained on the projectile as it sailed across the room. Several students gasped and flinched back. A few of the inventive ones hastily erected a whisper of crackling blue shields, but most had no time to move before the ball rebounded off the top corner of the far wall and returned to slam into Seshaun's face with an almost musical thud.

While one of the staff Kaidan didn't recognize attended to the mild injury, he pushed aside the shrinking amount of pity he had for the boy and grasped the opportunity provided. "Force is only one of the tools at your disposal. Full force is just as likely to hurt you as it is to accomplish your objective. There are-" The commander's words stalled on his tongue as he caught a glimpse of Williams answering her comms. "-ah... other tools. Can anyone name one?"

Whatever the message was, it didn't leave Ash smiling.

From the back of the crowd Oriana raised a slender hand. "Environmental circumstances." Hearing no objection to her comment, she continued. "For example, we can tell based on the previous trial that the angle of the wall is useful for changing the course of the object we wish to move. A strike at the top of a horizontal right angle will send the ball downward so..."

The young woman's voice faded to the back of Kaidan's mind as Ash discreetly signaled for his attention. He needed a quick and quiet exit, even if it was only a temporary one. "Would you care to demonstrate?"

"Um... sure." Looking a bit like a recruit who had been given his first pistol and told to shoot a target at five hundred yards, Oriana drew herself up and glided toward the position of the abandoned practice ball. She picked it up and eyed the walls, lining up her shot.

The commander felt Oriana's display more than saw it as he made his way over to address the chief in low tones. "Bad news?"

Ash looked at him as though he'd just asked if it was dark in space. "When is it ever good news? Remember those few extra days you had here?" She shook her head. "Not anymore. We're heading back ASAP."

"Did he give a reason?" It was bad form to assume the sender of orders, but when Kaidan figured he was almost certainly correct, it just saved time.

Williams raised an eyebrow, "I don't think you're hearing me, L.T. Do what you've gotta do to get out of here without causing a stir. We're leaving in five." Ash moved to go, but stopped, the ghost of a smirk gracing her lips. "Ten creds says it's a retrieval op."

"Anyone we know?" He wasn't sure how Ash had gotten to the conclusion she had, but he had to admit, it seemed likely.

Frowning, the chief crossed her arms and shifted her weight toward her left foot. "With our track record, I'm hoping it's someone we _don't_ know."

"Commander?" Jimenez' voice reminded Kaidan that his moment aside was over in a tone that was a little less than delicate.

Williams left the room while the class focused keenly on the lecture they assumed the commander was about the receive.

"Captain." Kaidan nodded in deference before turning to the gaggle of eyes. He wiped the back of his hand across his forehead as his mind jogged full-speed through his instant of awkwardly-purchased time. "I hope you were all paying attention. You're going to need it. Group up in three's and decide amongst yourself who had the best question."

Painfully predictable, the focus of the group turned immediately toward who was going to work with who and who would be left out. The commander felt a small stab of self-reprimand for stooping to such a ploy, but approached Jimenez as though it were simply part of the plan. "Have them answer each other's questions..." the knife in his gut twisted just a little, urging him into something he would regret later when he was reading over dozens of juvenile discussions,"... then forward the results on to me."

The steely-eyed captain didn't buy the ruse for a moment, but offered an acknowledging nod. "We'll see you back here again." She turned back to the class without another word as Kaidan slipped out the door.

Driven in part by curiosity, but more so by the rush of the upcoming mission, he nearly ran to Williams' ship. He had to skid to a halt mid-stride once he remembered he had none of his gear with him. A quick stop at the guest room allowed him to grab his seabag and run a hasty assessment of the remaining items in the room. Kaidan pulled everything together in a few seconds and resumed his hustled course back toward the ship.

Ash met him at the airlock. "Good to go?"

The commander nodded as he stepped on board. Behind him, he sensed more than saw Williams giving the all-aboard signal and clearing the ramp. The pilot announced their departure through the ship-wide comms and just like that, they were under way. Procedure - It was like a welcome mat every time he stepped on a ship.

The greasy, dark-haired private that stepped out in front of him was not procedure. "Commander Alenko, Captain Safren is waiting for you in the comm room. The man's eyes strayed beyond Kaidan's shoulder as he hastily added, "She asked for you too, Chief Williams."

Ash shuddered as the private returned to his station. "Ettel. Guy gives me the creeps."

The pair didn't speak much during the trip to the comm room. Rather, they didn't speak much to each other. Williams had plenty to say to her crew, one salutation or order at a time. In short order, Kaidan was able to piece together a vague personality profile of the _SSV Perth_ - something like a scrappy child wearing boxing gloves.

This vision was shattered by the elegant wave of Captain Safren, indicating the two of them toward their seats in the conference room as though she were welcoming foreign dignitaries. "Commander, Chief," she smiled. "We're ready to begin, Councilor, however, we will be out of range of the buoy in ten minutes."

Somewhere in the out-of-place shiny hair and glittering eyes of the Captain, Kaidan had missed the full-size, digitized version of Councilor Anderson standing at the far end of the room. Though, to be fair, he had only been in the room a bare few seconds.

A tired voice rolled out from the hologram. "Will you excuse us, Safren?"

"Of course." Still smiling the petite woman bobbed her head and stepped out. Kaidan made a mental note to get a better evaluation of the crew when he had a moment. That woman just didn't add up. He shook his head and focused on the projection.

Anderson didn't waste any time. "Williams. Alenko. I'll be straight with you. I'm sending you on a mission that you won't be able to discuss with the rest of the crew. Technically speaking, you're not even on this mission, but we have to know."

"Have to know what, sir?" Ash didn't bother containing her curiosity as she leaned toward the projection.

"We have to know..." For a moment, the councilor seemed to pick his words carefully, then dismissed the idea. "...why our ghosts are turning up on Omega." He threw up several images that hovered near his head. The one on the right displayed a stealth ship bearing Cerberus markings. The one on the left revealed a man sitting at a bar, his scruffy face partly hidden under a ball cap. This too bore a Cerberus logo.

Both were all too familiar.


	5. Joker's Wild

"Joker!"

"The_ Normandy_!"

The shocked gasp that exploded into the room was neither Kaidan's voice nor Ashley's, but a mixture of both. As the commander studied the chief, he couldn't recall which word had been his. His mind was screaming both words in a continuous loop that failed to make it believable.

Anderson continued, cutting off further questions, "This is what we know. Five days ago we received this intel from a relatively reliable source. We ran the images through-" Something out of view of the projection caused the councilor to turn his head. He nodded grimly as he addressed the phantom. "That can't be right. Double check the origin. No, just go. I'll be there momentarily."

_Joker on Omega?_ Alone with his thoughts, Kaidan shook his head. _And working for Cerberus..._ He could feel the anger begin to rise through the core of him like flame along a dry wick. The more rational part of him, blew a cool wind against the fire. There was no point in jumping to conclusions until he knew all the facts

Across the way, Ash grasped the edge of the table until her fingertips blossomed white. "How could he..." she hissed under her breath.

Anderson sighed and focused on the viewer once more. "Alenko, I'm sending over the rest of the details. Officially, you'll be investigating the operation of a salarian named Ish. His fingerprints have been on one too many packets of privileged information for our liking. I've already briefed Safren on his known habits." The councilor paused for a breath, holding both marines in his steady gaze. "There might not be much you can do at this point. Joker may not even be there. And if this... new _Normandy_ is anything like the one we know, the _Perth_ may not be able to locate the ship even if she's in the system."

"Five days..." _You don't know he's with them. He could just be on leave. And have commissioned a replica of the best ship he'd ever flown. Yeah, and he could also be there auditioning for the all-Elcor dance troupe. _Kaidan choked, but pressed on with his original thought, as trivial as it might be. "... That's a long time for anyone to stay in one bar."

"That's not just any bar." Ash's brow was raised with intrigue. "That's Afterlife, the most famous hive of scum, villainy, and pleasure in the Terminus Systems. I've heard tales of men losing decades there." She nodded firmly as she looked to the councilor. "We'll find the bastard."

Anderson looked down at the chief, disapproval painted across the lines of his face, but he did not comment further.

"Sir," Kaidan began, but the image of the councilor separated into rupturing horizontal lines and was lost. They were out of range of the buoy. The commander checked the time. The meeting had been just as it had felt - too short. It was possible something had interrupted the signal or-

"Well, that would explain the returned email," Ash spat through a tight-jawed grimace, "and the complete lack of contact. He's turned his back on everything..." She shook her head, biting off her own words.

"We don't know anything for certain. He sent me a message for a reason. Yeah, it turned out to be an invalid address. I'd thought it was a system glitch, but maybe it was something someone didn't want us to know. Maybe he's in trouble out there, Ash." He didn't believe it himself, but it was true that it could be possible. It was certainly more palatable than the alternative.

"And maybe he just tried to sneak in a few last coercive pleas before they terminated his account. They keep those things for a year, Alenko - " She was up now, pacing and gesturing emphatically. "A Year! That's a whole year we thought he was on our side while he was cozying up to those..." She clenched her fists as if she could find no word good enough. "Threshers... Toombs... Kahoku..." the chief muttered nearly inaudibly. "Maybe he did have a good reason for contacting you, L.T. Maybe he was trying to recruit you too."

Kaidan pushed his chair back and spread his hands defensively. "Are you listening to- No, just why. Why would Joker throw in with them? Can you even think of one reason?"

Ash was somber now, her voice a bitter strain of wistfulness as she leaned on the table. "We grounded him. They must have let him fly."

"Do you really think that would be enough reason?" Kaidan shook his head. "You know what, we'll find out soon enough." He eyed Ash cautiously. "Just keep your mind open."

The chief crossed her arms. "And you keep your guard up."

The conversation was over, but the two looked at each other in silence until Kaidan's omni-tool beeped softly, reminding him of the data package waiting for him. "I've got... some data to go over and I'm sure you have duties to attend to. Let's meet in my quarters when your shift is over." Realizing the potential message that could send, he rubbed the back of his neck and amended himself. "At least if we start rumors, they'll be the wrong ones."

Williams didn't rise to his poor attempt at humor. "Yeah, I guess we're done here."

"Ash?" Kaidan called to the chief's retreating form. "Where are my quarters, exactly?"

* * *

Hours later, the commander sat on the edge of a loaned cot, still staring at the small screen projected from his omni-tool. He'd finished with the data on Joker long ago, but then turned his attention to researching Omega. There were enough variables where the pilot was concerned. No need to go in any blinder than that.

Someone had been busy on Omega. A few reports from escaped slaves hinted at weaknesses in once-strong gangs, but a more telling sign was the absurd bounty being offered openly for someone they called Archangel. It reminded him of someone else, someone who would have gotten herself killed trying to help out everyone citizen in harms way if she weren't already dead. A small, selfish, part of him was glad it hadn't come to that, but if he were truly honest, he was sure Shepard would have preferred to go down with one hand hauling a street urchin to safety just before the bullets hit.

He rubbed his forehead with his thumb and ring finger as he leaned back against the wall at the edge of the bunk. An image flashed through his mind: Joker at the helm taunting rogue asteroids, Tali in engineering cursing him for being cavalier with the ship, Garrus and Ash in the armory debating the merits of the latest Rosenkov over last year's Kassa Fab, Liara in - when was the last time he'd stop to think about the asari who had given so much... He sighed, nearly certain now that much of his resistance to the possibility of Joker turning in his dress blues for golds and grays had everything to do with his strong and impossible desire to put the old team back together. Apart from Ash, it had been at least a year since he'd truly spoken to any of them.

_A year._ Kaidan sat up straighter. Joker would have known his account would expire. It was common knowledge straight from the first year handbook that probably nobody except himself had read fully. Why send a message the day before it did so? _Or the day of._ It took time for user lists to update and propagate through the gateways. What would be the purpose of intentionally leaving him no opportunity to reply? Kaidan raised his wrist, typing in the command to pull down the contents inbox into his omni-tool. Date stamp, identifier - all looked normal. This was silly and more than a little tedious. There were no hidden messages inside the header of his cryptic email. His eyes fell upon the origination line. An address in the Terminus Systems.

Well, he'd already known that. If he were much of a gambling man, he'd have been credits that the outcome of a lookup of the address would reveal an Omega origination. But it didn't come up Omega. It didn't come up at all. It was possible something could have happened to the buoy since the last sync, rendering it inoperative and thus not cataloged within the active system, assuming the techs in that sector were very vigilant. Or it could just be a lapse in the database. The latter was more likely, but either option still left him no lead to go on.

"You're losing it, Alenko", he told himself.

"I'd say so if you're talking to yourself." Ash chuckled from the doorway, her mood much improved.

Kaidan shot upright, narrowly missing a painful connection between his head and the top bunk. "There _is_ a protocol on announcing your presence."

"Yep. Right above the one about always being on guard." The chief crossed her arms over her chest and smirked. "I should record your expression right now. They could use it in all the training vids." She held out her forefinger towards him and cocked her thumb behind it. "Pow."

Not smiling at all, the commander gestured toward his screen. "Take a look at this."

"Terminus System coordinates... " She frowned then pointed at a position a distance away. "If you're wondering, we're here."

"No, that's not it." He stared intently, grasping at the end of a mystery then shook his head as it evaporated into the ether. "Nevermind." Kaidan moved to the nearby desk and repositioned the screen as he flipped back to the Joker files. "The most recent intel came from an officer of the_ Sendai_ who was spending his leave at Afterlife about a week ago. One Eirik Draven."

"Draven." Ash furrowed her brow as she leaned in closer. "Why does that sound familiar?"

"He had two sisters on the _Normandy_." With a somber flick of his finger, Kaidan switched the window to Rosamund and Talitha's service records. KIA. "They didn't..."

"God." It was a reverent whisper that trailed into confusion after a moment of silence. "That doesn't explain why Eirik's taken such a great interest in our flyboy though. Unless- was there a fight?"

Kaidan nodded. "Unfortunately, bar brawls are hardly newsworthy on Omega. If one of ours hadn't been involved, who knows. As it is, Draven's report on the fight is pretty exaggerated. He encountered Joker at the bar and words of greeting turned into confrontation about the.. incident over Alchera." The commander swallowed. It was amazing how hard it was to get the words "the destruction of the _Normandy_" out now. He'd certainly heard them many times two years ago.

"So he blamed Joker for what? Not being actually omniscient? Or does he think Joker just decided it was a good day to fly into hostile fire?" Ash folded her arms, frowning.

"I think," Kaidan stated as he mentally summarized the report, "it was more a matter of opportunity. He saw someone who'd been in a command position at the time and lashed out. It just as easily could have been you or me."

Ash sneered, "I'm sure the whole being with Cerberus thing didn't help."

"That is a logical conclusion. What doesn't make sense, though, is the outcome." The commander tipped the screen to give the chief a better view.

"...broke his nose and both arms." Ash read then shrugged. "Sounds like Joker."

"But it isn't. That's what Draven filed as his own injuries. Med-comp is probably the only reason he put the report in at all." Kaidan closed down the screen, shaking his head.

"Wait- what?" Ash blinked slowly then cast a sideways gaze toward the commander. "You shitting me, L.T.?"

Kaidan spread his hands wide. "That's what the report says."

Ash shook her head. "If he'd reported gunshot wounds, maybe. And even that is stretching it. You think maybe they cured him or made him some sort of super-soldier?"

Kaidan cast the chief a skeptical look.

"What?" Ash exclaimed, "I've heard things! They do experiments so why not...?"

"The more likely explanation is that Joker has some unaccounted for allies." It would be difficult to account for them with what little data they had, but still, he preferred to be prepared. Of course, if Joker was indeed a super-soldier now then there really was nothing that could prepare him for that. The more relevant thought was, if there were allies, why weren't they in Draven's report?

"You still think he's a victim in this?"

Kaidan didn't answer.

"What else do we know?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" The chief narrowed her eyes. "What about the_ N-_ the ship?"

"Also a product of Draven's report." Kaidan tapped his fingers on the desk, considering. "It could be a fake."

Ash nodded. "We could really be chasing ghosts. Hell, part of me hopes we are."

"I hear you," The commander sighed, remembering how much less complicated his life had been just a few days ago. "Unfortunately, Draven's report lists a dozen crew mates with him that corroborate his story... with varying degrees of impaired credibility."

"Do you have a plan?"

"If we find him? Yeah-"

"-Williams this is Safren. Do you have a twenty on Alenko?" Ash's comms crackled to life.

The chief tapped her end of the line. "He's with me."

Safren continued in clipped tones. "Good. Bring him to the comm room. There's been a change of plans."


	6. History Repeating

_His finger tensed on the trigger. The bullet erupted from his pistol, slamming into the back of the marine in front of him. A slow-creeping pool of deep red blossomed across the Alliance uniform. The soldier turned. His mouth dropped open in shock as he clutched at his chest. His fingers smeared a crimson trail over his dog tags. Tenari, Jaqarand M. His hand dropped and his body slumped to the barren ground that would be his tomb._

Kaidan inhaled slowly as untapped energy prickled beneath his skin, responding to the intensity of the vision that momentarily blinded him. He would never have before have thought he would desire the someone's death simply because of his name, but that was before he'd met this man. He told himself, as he had been telling himself since Safren had introduced them, that there could be many men with this name. He still didn't believe it. As though the feeling was an irksome insect, the commander reached out into his mind and squashed it. He couldn't afford the distraction now. The team from the _Perth_ was awaiting his order.

The commander looked down at the scattered machine parts at his feet. The single combat drone that had attacked them was the only thing they had encountered so far - that and hundreds of its brethren already shattered upon the ground of what had once been a thriving colony. Checking his HUD for any signs of further hostiles, he motioned the team toward the building ahead. The small research station was the only building generating even a moderate energy signature.

Corporal Jaqarand Tenari took point as they advanced toward the station, followed closely by Lieutenant Ali Booke and Kaidan himself. Privates Jacko Remington and Chant Sorrenson brought up their six in silence. Safren had warned them during the mission briefing that something had gone very wrong here, but none of them were prepared for the complete absence of life.

A loud snap split the silence. "Shit," Sorrenson cursed under his breath.

Kaidan turned. The private stood frozen, the shattered optical receptor of a LOKI mech under his boot, as though the reverberating sound would spring whatever trap may have been arranged by this setup.

The sun reflected off of Booke's visor as she turned to glare at him. Her warning was unneeded as the only thing that happened next was more nothing.

More unnerved than irritated, Kaidan waved the two privates around toward the back of the building with a tense gesture. When he and the rest of the team reached the door, he posted Tenari outside it and, with Booke at his side in a lower stance, peered in cautiously.

More nothing.

A red flicker along the walls emanated from a bank of monitors across the room. Drawn by inexorable curiosity, Kaidan lowered himself into the chair in front of them, leaving Booke to cover his back. _What happened here?_ Not long earlier, the _Perth_ had been relayed a distress call from this location that had disappeared abruptly as though it had screamed itself out.

He stared at the glowing red triangles floating across the screens. Each bore an exclamation point to protest an abrupt loss of connection to a data source. _And what were you expecting, Alenko? A full-color presentation of everything that transpired over the last few days just waiting for you?_ Kaidan pressed his off hand against his throbbing temple while he interfaced with the terminal's diagnostic panel.

It took no less than twenty minutes of careful tinkering to coax the screen back to life. "There you go," Kaidan muttered. He saw Tenari standing stone-solid and alert with his rifle cradled in his gloved hands. On the next screen, the two privates leaned against the building. Sorrenson rolled something between his fingers while Remington idly shifted his weight. The two looked completely lost without the chance to volley good-natured cheap shots.

It was interesting, but small justification for the time he'd spent repairing it. Ignoring the men outside, Kaidan cursed as he completed a detailed search of the drives. Any record of previous recordings or anything else this console had been used for had been wiped clean. The machine would have been nearly of more use to him if it had been turned off with a shotgun. At least then, the fragments could be reconstructed. But no, someone had systematically reverted the console to a clean state. That or they'd taken the old drive and replaced it with a brand new one. Either way - useless.

"We're done here," the commander stated firmly as he stood. Booke nodded and followed him out without a word.

Kaidan dreaded the thought of telling Safren they'd found absolutely nothing that made any sense, He was adding up the minute bits of data they had acquired when Remington charged around the corner to join the rest of the team. "Commander, Sorry's got something you should see."

Two steps behind his comrade, Sorrenson held out a piece of fabric with what looked to be a vent or... Kaidan frowned. "Part of an environmental suit? What were the quarians doing here?"

"You mean, what are they still doing here." A, bit too eagerly, Sorrenson pointed toward a ridge beyond the rear of the station.

"We didn't detect any life signs. No people. In fact, nothing at all except sand." Tenari scowled, "How could there be quarians?"

"I don't know," Kaidan admitted. He turned toward the crest, his expression souring as the corporal drew near.

_Tenari's voice echoed from the Comm room as Kaidan stared at the door. "...No people. Nothing at all except sand and sun." The voice started singing. "No pants... No shirt... No problems." Shepard laughed as she responded, "Just like the old beach."_

There was no mistaking it now, no telling himself that this man was simply another man with the same name. No, this man had once been Shepard's lover. Red heat lanced through Kaidan as he narrowed his eyes and considered the corporal. _What had she seen in him? Did he even _remember_ her? _

Sorrenson's voice floated in from somewhere far away, whispering to Remington. Booke touched his arm tentatively. _Get a hold of yourself, Alenko._

There weren't enough facts at hand to draw a conclusion. Stiffly, he pulled on the mask of command and turned toward the team. "But, I'm certainly going to find out."

* * *

The answer to the quarian mystery was unfortunately simple. All of them were dead.

"How could they just... leave them here?" Booke's matronly voice was equally reverent and stunned as she knelt near the body of a purple-clad individual whose midsection was now a repulsive stew of charred flesh and viscera.

Kaidan pondered the question as he crouched over a patch of scorched soil. He didn't know much about quarian religion. In fact, given Tali's zeal for the _Normandy's_ drive core, he'd almost assumed that technology was something of a deity for them. Still, the lieutenant looked up at him as though he had an answer. "I suppose they wouldn't have room for cemeteries in such crowded living conditions."

"But there are other means... burials in space... cremation..." Booke insisted while continuing to study the body.

"All of which require resources better allocated to survival of the living," Tenari supplied scornfully as he marched up behind her. "Does it have anything useful on it?"

Booke blinked then shook her head. "No dog tags - do they even do that?" After a moment's thought, she poked carefully around the body. "No datapad or other data storage device either."

"I meant, does it have any good supplies on it?" Tenari leaned in over the lieutenant's shoulder, a cold smirk spreading across his face."

"Cannibal!" Booke spat as she stood and turned to address the commander. "He took a large shot from either a mech missile or a close-ranged shotgun. The debris pattern along the bodies nearby would seem to indicate the latter and probably a big one. YMIR class maybe."

"I didn't realize you were looking at it closely enough to figure out it was a he." The corporal needled the lieutenant further, seeming to enjoy the her outrage.

"That's enough." Kaidan snapped wearily. "Tenari, collect Remington and Sorrenson from guard and return to the ship. Booke and I will finish up here." He leveled an even gaze at Tenari, daring him to disobey.

The corporal sniffed. "Aye aye, _Commander_."

"I don't want to know the story, do I?" Kaidan asked his lieutenant through a tight jaw as Tenari's back disappeared near the research station.

"No story to know, sir." Booke's voice was the verbal picture of well-rehearsed denial.

Kaidan decided not to push the issue. "You know, there's nothing of any value on these bodies." He held up a hand as the lieutenant began a protest. "What I mean is that it looks like someone has already attended to them. Whatever form of identity-keeping they have has already been collected and I'm sure is being remembered somewhere..." Internally, he grimaced. That statement had sounded much more consoling in his head and made a great deal more sense.

Whatever Booke took from it, however, seemed to placate her and she nodded, silent once more. As the commander looked at her, he smiled wanly, glad at least one of them found a measure of peace in the moment.

The quarian bodies had reminded him of one more very disturbing fact he'd found here...

* * *

"What do you mean there was no one there?" Safren exploded in a voice that was much larger than her diminutive stature.

"I mean exactly what I said. There were no guards, no colonists, and no human bodies." Kaidan shifted his hands behind his back, reflexively assuming a more formal position as the bad news rolled through the debriefing room.

"The last census counted 912,810 colonists on Freedom's Progress. They didn't all just decide to take a holiday." Safren's hand raked through her curls as her gaze wandered the floor. "He'll want to know about this. Hell, he probably already knows," she muttered.

"Pardon?" Kaidan wasn't certain he was still involved in this conversation.

Safren's head jerked up, "Anderson! All of them!" Her hand swept out in a forceful arc, narrowly missing a collision with two chair-backs. She stilled suddenly as her fingers came to rest atop the second chair. "You're dismissed," she breathed after a long moment.

"Captain, I-"

"-Dismissed." Eyes as wide and round as a child's narrowed into twin thunderheads. "I will evaluate your report and seek you out if I have any questions. My team can handle it from here. Thank you." She smiled then and the expression so reminded Kaidan of a lover's afterglow that he nearly choked.

Outside in the hall, temperate air felt cooling on his skin. He walked back to his quarters, hoping to avoid conversation with any of the crew, including Ash. But this hadn't proved itself to be his day so far.

Corporal Tenari leaned against the doorframe of the mess hall, his attention focused somewhere in the room. If Kaidan chose, he could simply keep walking. He could get to his quarters and assess his own report - perhaps fill in a few holes. He could, but wouldn't. "She deserves respect, Tenari."

_Smooth, Alenko. Just go ahead and blurt out all your thoughts without prefacing or processing them first. They'll be understood just as you meant them. _Right.

Tenari turned. He didn't top the commander's height, but his frame was wider. From the way he filled the doorway, Kaidan deduced that he was a man accustomed to using his size alone to intimidate and avoid the troublesome work of friendly combat. "And who would she be, _Commander_?"

Taking up up a crossed-armed stance in the hall, Kaidan stared down the man and continued. "Not only is Lieutenant Booke your teammate, but she's your _medic_. The moment your shields are down or you misstep into enemy fire, she's what's going to be between you and a long, dark sleep."

The corporal thumped his chest with an amused grunt. "Medical exoskeleton. Keeps me going and going..."

Kaidan groaned as the Sirta Foundation's latest marketing slogan dropped from the corporal's lips. _You idiot._ "It doesn't make you immortal. They can be hacked and shorted. And when you're lying there, being electrocuted by your own suit, Booke will be all you've got." The chance of that was slim, but he was betting that a mysterious internal invasion would give Tenari more pause than the thought of something as ordinary as a massive explosion. Kaidan resisted the urge to press a finger to his temple. Running through Mortality 101 with the corporal was giving him a headache. His voice became flat and quiet as he nudged the conversation in a new direction. "It also won't help you if you're impaled on a dragon's tooth."

A ghost of vulnerability flickered through the corporal's eyes before being locked down. He raised a hand in a dismissive gesture. "Not much chance of that, sir. The geth are gone."

"What makes you so sure of that?" It was a question Kaidan had been asked himself many times following the Battle of the Citadel except what it had meant then was, 'what makes you so sure these mythical Reapers are coming?'.

Tenari leaned in, his eyes narrowed with more intelligence than he'd previously shown. His voice lowered conspiratorially. "What makes you so sure they aren't, sir?"

The commander realized then that the corporal had heard the rumors regarding the sanity of those who had been aboard the _Normandy_ and was merely waiting for him to try to explain himself – to discredit himself. He locked his gaze with Tenari's, "I never count an enemy down until it proves itself so."

"I thought you and the rest of Shepard's crew took that enemy down personally, Commander." The barest hint of a smirk pulled at the corner of the man's mouth. His eyes betrayed nothing, but the picture of feigned innocence.

The collapse of the supposed geth ship, Sovereign, pushed into Kaidan's mind, followed by the memory of the awards ceremony following their victory. He and all of Shepard's team had received the credit they deserved... just not credit for the right thing. Then there was Shepard. Her name, expressed so informally, in Tenari's voice snaked tension down his spine. He fell back on the official line as he analyzed the man's tone. "There were many good men and women who fought that day and many more who continued the fight after it." He couldn't stop himself from adding, "They _all_ deserve your respect." His definition of the word 'all' was far from the common one.

"With all due respect, sir," the words slid out venomously, "I believe respect can only be personally earned. Yourself and Commander Shepard excluded, I can't say I know any of those men and women."

_Unlikely. _"How did you know Commander Shepard?" The lie of omission slid out much more smoothly than her name, which nearly stuck in his throat.

Tenari smiled, watching the commander's eyes. "Truth be told, sir, I _knew_ her well before she even enlisted, but I suspect you were aware of that."

"I was." Kaidan nodded, betraying nothing of his intense distaste for the way the corporal enunciated the word 'knew'. He let his arms unfold and rest at his sides as images of just what he could do to Tenari in the future flooded in: extra duties, loss of pay, loss of rank, a stay in the brig... Mostly though, he just wanted to punch him.

He closed his eyes, gathering his thoughts. The man walked a tightrope of insubordination, managing to stay just over the line. It was only a matter of time before he crossed it. Until then, Kaidan could make the corporal's assignments while out in the field with him very... uncomfortable. The thought made him smile, but it gained him little more. He would not damage this team for a personal grudge. No, he would be the better man. But the corporal didn't need to know that. Smiling knowingly, the commander issued an order that held in it no respect. "You're dismissed."

As he continued to his quarters, Kaidan considered what he'd learned. Tenari was rough on the surface, but smart. He knew how to cloak even the most open offenses with a combination of charisma and intimidation. He was also a lone wolf. That would need to be addressed.

The door swished open and the commander rerouted his thoughts. Shepard wasn't the missing body he needed to contemplate now.


	7. Rendezvous

Slam.

A gloved fist collided with Kaidan's gut. Dodging belatedly, he bought time to stabilize his breathing by circling his opponent. The space did not help him comprehend what she'd just said. "You want me to do what?"

Ash pushed a lock of sweat-slicked hair behind her ear as she shifted her weight, ready for whatever the commander might throw at her. The hands she held near her face in a defensive posture did nothing to hide her smirk. "Take Booke to Afterlife. I can handle tracking down Ish with the rest of the crew and you can-"

The operations chief jumped quickly backward, evading Kaidan's leg as he swept it toward her ankles. The two traded blows, neither gaining advantage. After a minute or two, they broke apart, resuming defensive stances. It was Ash who crossed the mid-point first, feigning a high kick before dropping low in a perfect mimic of the commander's earlier move. The difference was - she connected. Kaidan rolled as he fell to the floor. Before he could regain his footing, the chief was upon him, sinking her knees into his chest. Her smile was victorious.

The commander waited. At just the precise moment when Ash's grin seemed about to split her face in two, he kicked his legs upward, wrapped them around her waist and pressed backward. The motion effectively brought the chief to the ground while allowing him to sit upright. There was only the little matter of her calves locked around his neck to contend with.

"Fine, I'll do it. " he rasped as his airway became just that much smaller.

"Good." Ash released her hold. "You need to get out more."

Kaidan eyed her warily as he stood and offered her his hand. "I will do it because we need to survey the area without rousing suspicion. I'm going to assume that's what you were intending."

"Oh trust me," the chief chuckled as she clasped his hand and pulled herself upright. "finding Joker is high on my priority list. Right above wringing his traitorous neck."

"Look…" The commander grabbed a towel from the side of the sparring area and tossed one to Ash. "We still don't know anything for sure."

"Oh yes we do. He's either with them or he's spent the past year drinking Ryncol while an asari wiggles her blue butt in his face." She flung the towel over her shoulder with exaggerated force. "Either way he's a dead man."

Kaidan was never so glad his name wasn't Jeff Moreau.

As they exited the sparring room, the commander checked the flight log on a nearby console. They were fully docked at Omega, but awaiting clearance from Customs.

_Customs? _Hardly something he'd pictured from Omega. Then again, it likely didn't resemble the institution of the same name just about anywhere else. Either way, he had enough time to brief Booke on the change of plans while Ash did the same for the rest of the team and if he was lucky - enough time for a shower.

"So what do you think?" The tone of Ash's voice seemed to indicate something more cheerful than the commander's latest thought.

"About…?"

"The team." Pride beamed in the chief's eyes over the motley crew she'd no doubt worked into a unit.

"I think…" Kaidan's eyes wandered the hall. "…they're perfect for what we're about to do." Then his eyes narrowed. "I thought you were in Operations now."

Ash grinned as she clapped a hand over the commander's back. "This is the _Perth_. Nothing works quite like it should, but it all works right." Her voice softened as she turned to face him. "Almost like old times…. Well, I need to check on the firing algorithms again before go time. You watch your back, L.T."

Kaidan chuckled. "Just make sure the ship doesn't fire on us while we're on shore and I think we'll be fine."

"Aye aye." The chief shot off a jaunty salute and continued down the hall.

The commander checked the time then opened a comm line. "Booke, what's your twenty?"

An hour later, at the bottom of the ramp, Ash gave Kaidan a thumbs up. Privates Sorry and Remy, not missing any possible implication of the commander heading toward Afterlife alone with the definitely not unattractive medic, broke into a series of whistles and wolf calls. For that, each of them received a swat on the back of the head from their chief. With only amiable grumbling, the group moved away, leaving only two. And no matter what he told himself to the contrary, as he walked alongside Booke, Kaidan felt as though he was on a date.

"This might be easier than I thought, sir," Booke said levelly as she brushed at something on her shirt.

The commander regarded her carefully. As the lieutenant looked down, the top layer of her brown hair swung forward, revealing a closely cropped under-layer. It was nothing at all like Shepard's unruly yet regulation-length mess. Neither were her slight shoulders or-

"I haven't seen a single ball cap yet."

Kaidan laughed. "I suppose it doesn't exactly fit the local style." His mood quickly sobered as a large glowing sign signaled their increasing proximity to Afterlife. "Have you ever played Galaxy of Fantasy?" he asked as he and Booke turned into an alleyway before reaching their final destination. It was babble that neither of them gave more than an ounce of their attention to, but still necessary.

"You know, I haven't, but a friend of mine keeps trying to get me into it. Sometimes I think she actually believes she's a corsair moon drell." As she spoke, the lieutenant's eyes scanned the side of the building to their left. "You could say she lives, breathes, and sweats the game."

They passed by another Afterlife door, smaller than the first and nearly hidden in the wall of red light that colored the alley. A single man stood watch… or more accurately stood squirming. In the time they'd been watching him alone, he'd shifted his weight from foot to foot and back again close to a dozen times by Kaidan's count. And that was nothing when compared to the number of times the man's fingers twitched over the trigger of his Kovalyov assault rifle.

"That's true," he added as he and Booke drew close to the guard. "It's very addictive." It looked like their intel was good. Kaidan turned, abruptly adding a chill to his raised voice. "Look. Let's stop dancing around this. You need to make a choice. If you're not serious about me, it'll hurt, but I'll get over it. Until you tell me, I can't move past it." He drew a breath and looked directly into the lieutenant's face while studying the alley behind her rather than meeting her eyes. "Do you prefer other women?"

To Booke's credit, the arrogant smirk she plastered on was very convincing. "You know what, I'm sick of pampering your feelings. Yes. I do. Asari aren't technically women, but damn do they have the parts."

Kaidan scowled and threw up his hands. "I'm out of here." He stalked off, but not far. A backward glance ascertained that his lieutenant was in no immediate danger and that her newly-applied persona had the full attention of the guard. The commander ducked behind the corner of the building and concentrated all of his attention on the corner of a little plastic bag in the addict's pocket. He needed only the tiniest amount of force to pull the sand up and over to himself, but any fluctuation or overflow of the feed would have no different results than if he'd been caught in person with his hand in the man's pants.

Vaguely, beyond the scope of his effort, the commander could see Booke's lips moving and registered a growing strain on her face. Trusting in the lieutenant's survival instincts, he pushed everything else away until the bag was securely in his hand. A pinch of phenyldiazepam later and he was ready to go. Truthfully, he didn't know what effect the second drug would have on the first, but the _Perth's_ medical officer had assured him that the red sand's effect on the pre-frontal cortex wouldn't interfere with the desired tranquilizer properties of their little addition.

Unfortunately, Kaidan couldn't return the drug the same way he'd received it. Instead, he landed the packet at the guard's feet and counted on the addiction to make up the difference. He shook his head after he gave Booke the extraction signal. _Too many if's on this mission. _

"Are you sure you can't let me have just a teensy peek inside? My friend is in there. I promise." The lieutenant beamed vapidly.

Red light gleamed off beads of sweat accumulating on the guard's balding head. "Already told you lady. Nobody gets in without an invite. Now scram."

Pouting, Booke made her exit and joined the commander alongside the turn of the wall.

They only needed to wait now. The pair continued on to their selected hold point in an adjoining alley. Kaidan watched every panel for signs of movement. So far, Omega wasn't living up to it's reputation and that bothered him more than any hostility he could encounter. At least that would be a known threat.

Then they waited.

And waited.

"Do you play?" The lieutenant's hushed voice held authentic curiosity or at least a good imitation of it.

"Do I wha-" Kaidan froze. The guard had moved a few meters from the door and begun patting himself down with an increasingly frantic motion. He nearly stepped on his little bag of sand, burying in the filth that covered the streets throughout the city, but desire drove his senses and he zeroed in on the packet like a hawk on a mouse. It took several tries for the man to open the bag with shaking hands, but finally he held his prize to to his nose. Watching patiently, the commander ticked off the seconds on his fingers.

On cue, the guard slumped over, unconscious. It never took anything long to scramble the brain's chemistry once you snorted it. As he and Booke stepped dragged the guard to an inconspicuous location, Kaidan couldn't help thinking how different these tactics were from Shepard's. But as he crouched by the door lock and activated his omni-tool, he realized some things would never change.

Two hours, three drinks, and four failed inquiries later, Kaidan found himself at a corner table, nursing a migraine as he watched Booke chatting up the salarian bartender that had just come on shift. With the exception of the dancers, the population of the bar area was decidedly more male than female and, as yet, his approaches had proven only to be an exercise in dissipating hostility. Booke had had somewhat better luck, especially when she-

"Hello."

Kaidan broke out of his thoughts to find a tall, shapely woman standing in front of him - or rather, the shadow of her. A flashing light behind her continually thwarted his attempts to see more clearly in the dim room. It was also not helping his headache in the least. He leaned forward in his seat. That was better. He could now more clearly make out the red strappy outfit the woman wore clearly now. "Hey."

"I've been watching you. You're the most interesting person in this place." She didn't smile, but there was something compelling about the way her lips formed the words. That and their meaning didn't hurt.

Further assessment revealed that in all likelihood, this woman was a regular here. _She could know something about Joker. _"Ah, thanks. Want to sit down?" _Smooth as ever, Alenko._

"You know…" the regular tipped her head inquisitively as she slid into the seat across from the commander. "Some nights I come here and there's no one interesting. Some nights, it's just one person. Tonight, it's you. Why is that?"

She was out of the light now. Her face was pretty enough, but… he needed an answer. _What would Joker say? _"This is too much club for the average man. Lucky for you, I'm anything but average." _Did that even make sense? Smile like it does. _

The woman smiled, but didn't say anything. Green eyes peered at him expectantly.

_Damn, no feedback. Too early to ask about Joker._ "What ah… what do you think of the music here?"

"Dark rhythms, violent pulses. It stirs something primitive in me." The regular pressed closer to the table. A halo of red glistened around the woman's head, her hair tucked into an array of messy curls.

_Was her hair that color a second ago? Did she have hair a second ago? _

"What do you think?" she purred.

_That it sounds like someone just died. _"It's okay. It's nothing like Expel 10."

"You know them?"

_If you count having un-listened to tracks lying around for a record period of time as knowing them. _"A pilot I knew once…" Kaidan trailed off as he tried to determine why he'd though the woman's skin had been blue before. Clearly it was a deep tan now. _Must have been a trick of the light._

The woman continued, undeterred by her companion's distance. "They get in my head and tear it to pieces." She was grinning now as she leaned across the table. "Is that what you like about them? Bass like the drums of a great hunt out for your blood?"

_"Kaidan…" _A voice whispered inside the commander's head. Logic dictated that the woman shouldn't even know his name, let alone be able to call it psychically, but it was waging a losing war. After all, why shouldn't this woman know his name. It was Shepard's voice.


	8. Flashbang Mob

Kaidan pounded frantically against the unforgiving wall of the escape pod. Just beyond the viewscreen, he could see an armored body floating in space. Its natural spin brought the form's face into view just as the pod accelerated its descent.

_Shepard._

But that wasn't what happened. The commander tossed his head back and forth in an attempt to escape the dark tunnel of his mind. The seat beneath him creaked. The roar of the bar crescendoed from a muted thud to an all-encompassing assault on the senses. It hadn't happened like that. He hadn't seen her get spaced, but it didn't change the fact that Shepard was still dead. Black decomposing flesh turned aquamarine as the asari across from him… How could he have thought she looked anything like her?

The asari slipped closer, her every movement as silky as her voice. "How about we move this party back to my place?"

Firmly rooted in here and now, Kaidan shook his head. "I think we're done here."

The woman, whose name he never did catch, blinked. Seizing the moment of her distraction as his cue, the commander exited the table. A lingering feeling urged him to turn back. _Work had been hard lately. Why not have a little fun? _ His shoulders stiffened and he locked down the part of himself that wasn't forged by the Alliance. He wouldn't turn around. As though he could compute the scene, Kaidan scanned the room, his eyes flickering from one face to the next with digital precision. There was no way that asari bitch was getting back into his head.

He spotted Booke speaking to a quarian in the corner. Attempting to appear casual, he nudged his way close enough to pick up their conversation without spooking the potential informant.

"Smug bosh'tet. He thought he had a ship that could take on any one of the Fleet. Wouldn't show me this ship though." The quarian crossed her arms. "Even the worst of our ships can run paces around an invisible one."

_Yeah, that sounds like Joker. Also sounds like Joker's been doing some talking. Then again, when isn't Joker talking? _The commander slipped closer, nearly shoulder to shoulder with the lieutenant now.

"An invisible ship?" Booke choked out a laugh. "How could you tell you were even racing it?"

"Exactly." The quarian nodded firmly. "A pilot could just stand at the spaceport of the final planet and say that he had been at the starting line. This is assuming he even had a ship."

The lieutenant's voice took on a tone that was one part perplexed and one part amused. "Not too many passenger transports come by this way."

"I'm not saying he didn't have one previously, but have you seen the salvage yard?" The quarian looked pointedly about the bar. "I'd wager that more than a few of those ships used to belong to someone here."

Kaidan had just begun processing this new information into potential locations for the wayward pilot when his concealed comm pulsed, signaling an incoming message. He made eye contact with Booke then shifted his gaze away and back, waiting until the lieutenant acknowledged his silent message. Then, with half an eye on the previous location of the asari, he slipped through the crowd until he'd found a darkened hall with minimal occupants. Like a recording studio, the thick wall shielded most of the pounding bassline from the direct area while allowing it to burst forth just beyond the perimeter.

With a tap, he opened the comm link. "Alenko."

"L.T., we've got- Just hold your horses. He'll be here." Ash trailed off as a gruff background voice said something about not having any horses. The feed was jostled then the chief's voice returned. "We've got a solid direction, but there's a hitch. Seems there's some sort of quarantine zone down here and the local uniforms weren't going to allow us access - at least, not until we told them you were coming down with the doc."

"The doc? Wait, what sort of illness are we talking about here?" Kaidan's eyes narrowed as he looked out at the crowd, watching Booke in his peripheral vision.

The response was muffled. "Remy, what was the name of that…" Rustling sounds with voices the commander couldn't quite make out streamed through before the chief returned. "I'll get back to you on that, sir, but we know it doesn't affect humans. I recommend you get down here quick before the lead goes cold. Tenari!" With a click, the link was severed, leaving Kaidan confused, but with no question as to his next move.

He cut a straight path back to Booke, conceding only a twist here and there when collision with a barfly was all but inevitable. Instead of stopping at her position, he merely tapped his comm, feeding into her frequency, and continued on out the main door. The lieutenant appeared beside him in moments.

The commander upped his pace as he pulled Ash's signal from his omni-tool. A glance at Booke was all the acknowledgment he could spare. "Tell me you have a vest under that."

She nodded. "Of course."

"Gel?" Kaidan took a sharp turn as the orange blip in front of him centered on a particular line in the grid.

"Five units and a light kit." Without question, she kept pace.

He checked his own supply of medigel. Three units. It wasn't the same as a full hardsuit, but it was enough to get them out of a potential jam. Ahead, a crowd of angry citizens had collected in a sloppy semi-circle. He slowed to an observational walk. It was as good a marker of their destination as any.

"Please tell me we aren't here to negotiate with them." The lieutenant tipped her head up, indicating the mass of varied species.

As he came to a stop, Kaidan checked the clearance of his sidearm. He didn't need to ask Booke to do the same. "It's a quarantine. They're probably not happy they can't go home."

"Home, here?" The lieutenant looked as though she wanted to brush off an invisible layer of filth.

The commander offered an open-handed shrug as he opened a comm link. "We're half a klick from your coordinates."

"Roger that." Ash's clipped voice came and went.

Kaidan kept his eyes on the crowd. As yet, the residents of the area weren't doing much more than shouting occasional protests. They looked more distraught than angry. The dirt of the rough passageway had settled on their faces and more than a few had taken to constantly looking over every shadow that appeared. Still, tired and frustrated could turn ugly with enough numbers and a catalyst. He turned to Booke as he began edging forward, remembering her earlier question. "I guess home is where you make it."

"Or where the heart is," Booke added absently. As she moved, her eyes held in the area of a short-haired brunette in overalls and two small children behind her then flicked back to the commander. "What's the plan?"

"Please, everything I have is in there." The voice of a woman near the front of the crowd became more evident as the pair drew closer.

"Like I told you before, nobody gets in." An armed turian grunted an exasperated reply. Off to his left, Kaidan could make out the pink and white of Ash's hardsuit.

The woman pressed closer, her hands clasped together. "But it doesn't affect humans. There's no reason to-"

"Yeah," snorted another turian from further back in the crowd. "I wonder why that is."

As Kaidan and Booke approached, Ash signaled her crew back to meet them. They grouped together about fifteen meters away from the edge of the crowd. "Here's what we've got: a small herd of tense civilians and a small squadron of guards at the end of their rope. We set one foot in the zone, shit's going to fly and if we do it by force," the chief eyed Corporal Tenari, "we'll be the only bag of sand to hold back the flood."

"You mentioned something about a doc?" The commander willed his focus on Ash as Tenari crossed his arms.

"Yeah, there's a clinic inside. The guards'll let us escort Booke in no problem, but we've still got the larger issue to tangle with." The chief nodded toward the residents. "There were only six or so of them when we first got here."

"If you're implying that we had anything to do with this-" the reedy voice of a nearby man rose over the end of Ash's words.

"I'm not implying. I know." The turian's voice turned from derisive to openly hostile as he pushed his way toward the front of the crowd. "And I intend to do something about it."

A shimmer off of a black casing was all the warning given as the disgruntled tenant drew his handgun and pointed it at his opponent.

He didn't fire. Instead, he seemed to appraise the man. Kaidan and the rest of the team tensed, weapons at the ready. The turian grunted and turned his sights, first toward them, then the guards. "Even better."

Anticipating the shot, the commander flung his hand out into a familiar mnemonic that encircled the threat with dark energy. The turian was frozen, held in stasis with his finger still on the trigger, but it did not have the desired effect. Those of the crowd that had weapons, pulled them. Those that didn't scattered toward the gate and away from their armed neighbors.

Kaidan gritted his teeth as he expanded his field into a wider net. "Riot control," he ordered in a strained voice.

Ash, Booke, Sorry, and Remy took points around the crowd with their weapons raised. They weren't armed with riot equipment by any means, but a makeshift solution in the form of wounding shots could be turned to if necessary.

Tenari kept a position by the commander's side. As a squat volus leveled his pistol at the chief, the corporal reached for something Kaidan couldn't see and shouted, "Fire in the hole!"

A small black disc skittered out into the center of the melee and exploded with concussive force. The commander lost control of his net as he was thrown backward into the makeshift quarantine wall. All around, the world became a visual swamp of falling bodies and flying stars. Somewhere just beyond the ring of blackness that was threatening to close in and far far beyond the crowd, he caught sight of a familiar N7 crest.

And then all hell broke loose.


	9. Battle Omega

Battle broke out from every corner and screams of agony within were drowned out only by the sound of yet more weapons' fire. Alliance uniforms blended with drab overalls, guard armor with mercenary garb…

Kaidan pushed his pounding body upright. The scene around him flashed by in red still images. Bodies crammed together in space. The muted glimmer of a Kovalyov rifle. A salarian, arms splayed and falling backward. Remington, his hand in the collar of a bloody uniform. Sorrenson on the ground. A turian fist held in mid-air. The shocked expression of a woman. Hands around children. The muzzle of a Lancer rifle. White and pink armor. Williams' enraged face. Fire.

Fire.

Needing to stop a large number of attackers at once, Kaidan threw his hand up, pushing what biotic energy he had toward the station's ceiling and the sensors that resided within. The heat of bodies and battle fire swirled up around him until a new sound pierced the air. Dense clouds rained down as the fire suppression system activated, splitting apart combatants with icy foam.

But only in the middle. Along the edge of the fight scattered warriors emblazoned with various gang symbols warred with each other, using fleeing denizens as shields. Ash screamed from the left, her assault rifle providing bite to her bark. On the right, nearest the commander, a Blue Sun held a limp brunette by the throat as a yellow-suited Talon brought up his shotgun.

Kaidan reached into his biotic reserve to find… nothing. His head still pulsing red into his vision, he pulled his sidearm, took aim at the back of the merc's helmet-less head and fired. Without hesitation, he fired twice more to the left of his original position and lodged his shot into the gullet of the Blue Sun. The turian's hands sprang up to the bloody flow seeping out from between his neck guard and helmet latch. Both gun and hostage tumbled to the ground.

The commander advanced, placed another round in the merc and surveyed the area. No movement. At least, not that he could see. He crouched by the fallen woman and checked her vitals. Nothing.

Instead of a medkit, he reached for his comms. "Williams, sitrep." The world grew angrier as he crouched, throbbing deep tones of burgundy into his vision, and willing him to sit, slouch, lie down… With a hand that barely felt his own, Kaidan spiked a blood sugar booster into his thigh and waited, watching.

Coughing fed its way through the channel before Ash's response came. "Still kickin', commander."

Kaidan tried to respond, but nothing seemed to work right. His hands moved as if encased in sludge and his mouth wouldn't open. Large hands descended from the haze and abruptly yanked him backward. Not a full second later, a piece of the station ceiling the size of an armor case landed just where he'd been sitting.

The big mitts disappeared as something cold pressed against the back of his head and smaller hands fussed about. The commander's mind had trouble focusing as he strained to assess the makeshift battlefield, but there wasn't much to see. No more falling debris seemed imminent, though he hadn't exactly seen the first piece. Amid the remnants of the fire foam, a few bodies lay here and there. The remaining crowd had dispersed to locations unknown though if the sound echoing off the far hall was any indication, the fight was not yet over for some of them.

"Stay still, Commander." Booke ordered as she moved the cold thing away and began to fiddle with someth- With his amp.

Kaidan reached back and pushed away the lieutenant's hands. His fingers didn't move like they should, but they were able enough to check for damage along the well-known pathways at the base of his skull.

"It doesn't appear to be damaged, but I'd say you came this close to overloading it," Booke chided.

The commander couldn't see her fingers, but he could imagine the gesture. He slowly stood, testing the depth of the starry darkness still threatening to invade his vision. The booster he'd injected was fast-acting and he could feel its effects clearing his head and spreading. After he'd confirmed a functional level of movement, he looked down at the lieutenant who was in the process of gathering her med gear. "Ash and the others?"

"They got their own problems." Tenari crouched just a meter or so away, changing out the heat sink on his rifle as he scanned the area. "But we've got an in." The corporal gestured with a flick of his head toward the quarantine entrance. The station guards huddled there were… beckoning them?

Kaidan looked back questioningly. "Was I out for longer than I think I was?"

"Nah, Commander. Booke patched one of 'em up pretty good and…" Tenari smiled in way that suggested fangs might lay underneath. "We cleared out the mob."

"It is true." The lieutenant stood, her kit now firmly packed away, and refused to make eye contact.

Kaidan opened a comm channel. "Ash, what's your situation?"

Static and then… "No contacts, sir, but Sorrenson's in bad shape. Took some shrapnel to the gut."

Booke started forward. The commander held up a hand. "Can we move him?"

There was a pause on Ash's end. In that time, the mist evaporated enough that Kaidan could just make out a pink and white figure about ten meters away. A sound that was half a grunt and half a cry preceded the chief's answer. "Yes. We've stabilized the object, but we need to be quick."

The commander nodded and turned to the lieutenant. "Booke, you have their location?"

"Affirmative, but I don't have the equipment to-"

"Get out there and get Sorrenson back here. Tenari, you're with me. We're going to find ourselves a doctor."

The corporal was either deep in contemplation or very absorbed with a spent heat sink. He didn't move.

"Now, Tenari. Your man is out- just move!" Kaidan turned on his heel and headed into the quarantine zone, expecting to be followed. He only paused long enough to gain the station guards for the coordinates of this doctor's office.

"This doctor," the corporal began as he came up on the commander's six. "He's a salarian. What makes you think he can do anything? Sir. "

"It's not him we need, it's his equipment." Kaidan checked his omni-tool as they passed a promising looking door. "If he's been holed up in here working with plague victims then he must have some sort of stock."

"Could be he's out of stock."

"Yeah, but we definitely are out of stock and the _No_- the _Perth_ is too far." Two years and he couldn't figure out what ship he was on? Kaidan shook his head. He knew why. It was like he was reliving it all again and that logo…

"Think we've found it." Tenari stopped by a closed door. A barely legible medical symbol was etched on it. "Sir," the corporal added, but followed it with nothing more. Kaidan wasn't sure if it was an intentional slight or a simple afterthought.

It didn't matter right now. He checked the door latch. It opened. The absurd notion to state that they came in peace entered his mind then fled. "Doctor?" he called.

There was no answer. The place seemed bereft of any life, but it did hold an astounding level of equipment for what he considered to be a simple few rooms. The commander searched for the most relevant gear while considering the pros and cons of bringing a wounded soldier into a quarantine zone. They had no proof it didn't affect humans save for their own continued wellness, but there was some equipment that just couldn't be moved. He had to-

"Who are you?" A man in a lab coat marked H5 entered from a room to the left holding a diagnostic chart. His expression was passive, too weary to be alarmed. He wiped a hand across his brow. "You don't look like the usual patients."

"Commander Alenko, Corporal Tenari, Alliance military. We have a man-"

"Commander!" The comm signal crackled to life with Ash's breathless voice and the sound of gunfire. "Hope you got that gear ready. We're coming in hot."

"Copy." Kaidan turned quickly to the man he assumed to be the doctor. "I don't have time to be formal, doc. We've got a patient for you. Shrapnel tore through his shields and armor and embedded itself in his abdomen. Lost a lot of blood."

"Of course." The man set the scanner down and moved to a nearby sink. "There's a table in the next room you can put him on. I'll do what I can, but I'm not a doctor - not really. I'm Daniel, the assistant."

Tenari groaned and moved out to the door to keep watch. The commander blinked. "Where is he?"

Daniel shook water off his hands and turned. "Gone. Left just after the plague cure was dispensed."

"Cure?" Kaidan asked as he moved interfering items out of the path his team would come in on.

"Yes and with the vorcha gone there was no reason for him to stay. Was another commander now that I think of it." Daniel's hands twitched upward as though resisting the urge to scratch his head.

"If the cure is out there then why is there still a quarantine?" Footsteps in the hall echoed the commander's words. He readied his sidearm.

Daniel looked thoughtful, but didn't offer an answer. Instead he excused himself to the next room to prep.

Ash and Remington burst through the door with Sorrenson held between them on a makeshift gurney. They were followed closely by Booke and then Tenari, who backed up to just before the doorway his focus still on the hall.

"Next room." Kaidan pointed. "There's a… professional named Daniel there." He moved around them quickly and joined the corporal in the hall. "What have we got?"

"Vorcha from the looks of it." Tenari ejected another heat sink and the two of them prepared to hold the line of that doorway from whatever would come.


	10. Zombie Mode

Screeches filled the hall of the quarantined residence zone. They echoed from one wall to the next, each laughter-like cry accompanied by scrabbling thumps. Kaidan found himself tracking his pistol on not just the hallway ahead, but upwards toward the ceiling, following the noise.

"Fucking creepy," Tenari muttered.

The commander couldn't help but agree. "How many?"

"I put down four, but two of them just got back up like goddamn zombies." The corporal jerked to his right as a loud whoop filled the hall.

Vorcha, vorcha… something about vorcha he'd read… "They regenerate."

A disgusted look filled the corporal's face. "Yeah, well let's see if they can grow back their fucking heads." He fired at the corner where the last skittering sound was heard.

A leathery blue head poked out and exploded so quickly that Kaidan wasn't sure he'd seen it at all - save for the blue and red goop wallpapering the area. The act did not go unanswered. Cries flew up from both sides and the scratching of claws descended like some terrible army of giant hamster wheels.

Kaidan turned back to back with Tenari and drew a corona around himself like a mantle of blue flame. The creatures leapt - four on his side and what sounded like half and again as many. He caught the two closest to him in a wall of dark energy and pushed outward. Gritting his teeth he wrapped the plane into a bubble, increasing the mass effect fields around the vermin until they too were nothing more than a red-blue shreds.

It didn't stop the other two. An explosion from Tenari's side sent the commander stumbling forward - toward the advancing vorcha. He pulled his pistol and fired several shots into a glowing red eye that was all too close and then he was on his back and his biotic shield fizzled out.

Teeth snapped at his neck as Kaidan grappled with the yellow beast. Claws dug into his arms ripping… ripping. His pistol was caught at an odd angle. He fired. Not a killing shot, but enough to send the creature reeling - at least from one half of him. The claws caught into his right side as the vorcha tumbled in that direction. Dark energy crackled along the commander's bloody body as he sent uncontrolled force out against the vermin.

"Hey!" The corporal shouted as he ducked the flying yellow creature. "Watch where you're throwing those things."

Then it was all silent.

"Status?" Kaidan asked with no small degree of hope for an all clear.

"All good. Looks like we got 'em all." Tenari holstered his rifle as he walked closer.

Kaidan inhaled deeply and assessed the damage. The tears in his sides were superficial. _Thank God for protective vests. _His arms were both bleeding, but it was the left that began to concern him as a cold numbness spread along his bicep. He slapped on enough medigel to stem the tide, but wasn't in any position to argue when Tenari offered a hand up - even if the man did mutter, "Ain't getting demoted again for loosing a CO," as he was doing so.

Struggling, they made it into Daniel's office just in time to see the man himself emerge from the operating room, wiping his hands on a towel. It was when the assistant doctor dropped the rag and rushed over that Kaidan realized the warmth he felt along his side had nothing to do with his proximity to the corporal.

As Tenari raised a hand to fend off the advancing aid, he slipped in a pool of his own blood and fell to his knees. Kaidan moved out of Daniel's way and collapsed into a nearby chair, cursing the corporal for not reporting his injuries - cursing himself for not noticing the tear in the midsection joint of the man's hardsuit.

Booke appeared, likely called in by Daniel. The stars were dancing in front of Kaidan's eyes again. She lifted the commander's arm and sliced away his sleeve with the precision of a laser cutter and no shortage of noise. "What the hell were you doing out there? Hugging one of those… things?"

"Hey… everything needs a little love." Kaidan coughed, attempting to lighten the situation. His voice dropped. "How's Sorrenson?"

The lieutenant smiled shallowly as she continued to work. "Short a spleen, but everything else is in working order. Knowing Sorry, it won't be long before he'll begin losing his shirt often enough to given the entire crew a look at his stellar scar."

Kaidan didn't have the energy to respond with any more than an attempted smile.

Booke dressed the commander's wounds in silence. Just before finishing, she leaned in and whispered. "Listen, about Tenari. I meant to thank you." She then moved over to the corporal, allowing no time for response.

_Thanks? For what? _Kaidan's mind pressed for the answer. It must have been the conversation he'd had with the man. It did seem his attitude had improved - she didn't think he'd intentionally… _No, couldn't be._

"You are very lucky," Daniel was saying to a very pale Tenari. "Sixteen centimeters higher and you would be breathing in all that blood instead."

"Yeah, I feel lucky, Doc." The corporal grinned wanly. "All over your floor."

Ash emerged from the next room looking hopeful until she spied Kaidan and Tenari. Her own armor was mottled red and grey, giving it an overall effect of a strange tie-dye design… almost like it was supposed to be that way.

"Hey," the chief stated blankly as she came within easy hearing range.

Kaidan looked up. "I hear Sorrenson is doing well."

"Yes. Tenari?" Ash's gaze fixed on the assistant-medic-corporal trio.

"Still grinning. Think he'll make it." He looked to Daniel for confirmation, but received a nod from Booke instead when she caught his gaze. Satisfied, Kaidan returned his attention to Williams. "Find out anything?"

"The doc's been quite a help." Ash folded her arms over her chest as she paced a small circle. "Says he never saw our man."

The commander frowned in response, sending a renewed spike of pain into through head. "In what way is that a help?"

Williams lifted a finger and stopped moving. "Just listen. He says he never saw him, but he heard his name when the last commander came through here. She called him for retrieval just before they left with Mordin."

"Mordin?" the commander rubbed his temples.

"The salarian doctor Daniel was assistant to."

Kaidan spread his hands in frustration. It wasn't like Ash to be anything less than entirely forthcoming - usually too much so. "And this mystery commander is?"

The chief paused, studying Kaidan intently. "How ya feeling?"

The commander's spread hands balled into fists, his wounded state playing havoc with his patience. "Out with it, Williams. That's an order."

She didn't stop staring. "He says the commander's name was Shepard."

The shock ripped through Kaidan like lightning, but he clung to the small thread of denial logic afforded him. "It's a common enough name. Where did they go?"

"I don't think you're hearing me, L.T." Ash's face became a mask of intrigue. "I don't know how or why, Daniel's description matches our Shepard exactly."

The image of an N7 emblem clicked into place. "She's here," the commander marveled.

"Well, I wouldn't go that far. It has to be some sort of mimic." The chief's frown bordered on a scowl. "The Shepard I knew would never have worked for Cerberus."

It was at this point that Kaidan became nearly convinced that recent events had impaired his mind. Maybe he was in a coma or simply unconscious and dreaming. Still, the reaction was the same as if he'd been awake. "Cerberus?"

"That's what I'm told. We gotta report this to Anderson ASAP and then we hunt for real. No more of this sneaking around bullshit." Ash's eyes gleamed.

"Wha- How- Who-" The commander shook his head, too many divergent thoughts vying for supremacy. "How do we track them from here? It took us this long to find out we were ten steps behind them."

The chief smiled as she flipped a datapad toward him. "Already on it. Ish buckled like a chair under a krogan and I was able to extract more than a little information before I handed him over. Wasn't hard to find the _Normandy_ after that."

"The- You've got to be shitting me." Kaidan narrowed his eyes, nearly certain that the chief was doing just that. Any moment now, she'd start laughing...

"'Fraid not. Evil twins, spaceships risen from the dead… It's like a scene out of the old vids, right?"

"You're enjoying this."

Humor seeped out of Ash's eyes like water through a holed canteen. "Not as much I'll enjoy stomping the life out of whoever stole Shepard's face."

"But what if…" Kaidan straightened enough to look the chief square in the eye. "What if it _is_ her?"

Williams placed a gloved hand on his head, the gesture somewhere between friendly consolation and clinical evaluation. "You take too many hits to the noggin, Commander? Shep- She's gone."

"But what if?" The commander held her gaze, refusing to back down.

A haunted glaze filled Ash's face in a way that made Kaidan think that they were sharing the same memory, the same realization that their commander's body had never been recovered. The chief's jaw clenched resolutely as she turned away. "It's not her."

As Kaidan watched Williams leave, his eyes met Tenari's. The corporal had overheard everything.


	11. Reassignment

What to do with Tenari.

The question had been circulating in Kaidan's mind since the crew had left Omega. He'd just been to the med bay to check on Sorrenson's status and, lacking any shipboard duties, had plenty of time to contemplate the matter. Of course, it was only one of many troubling thoughts, but it was also the least disturbing.

He was not going to think about Shepard.

The commander checked the time. One more hour until Councilor Anderson would be available for a mission update. When Ash had tried to call it in upon their return, both she and Kaidan been promptly informed that pressing matters had come up that required the Councilor's attention. Further inquiries had only revealed that it somehow involved a drell and a threatened ambassador, but that was all. Despite all that had happened, he couldn't help the pleasure he felt when he imagined the ambassador may have been Udina. That he might never know for sure, only made the thought more amusing.

Alone now in his bunk, the commander shook his head. When had he gotten so bitter? A low ping from the nearby terminal alerted him to new mail. _Shepard? No. Not thinking about Shepard. _He sighed as he rose from his seat on the edge of the bed and made himself comfortable at the console - at least as comfortable as he could be. His left arm still loudly protested the simplest actions. Keeping it in his lap, he opened the connection.

Forty-two unread emails.

Most were forwarded from Ascension Project. He'd nearly forgotten that he'd given his word to look over the students' comments. Kaidan browsed through an array of work from short, simply written paragraphs on using biotics to lift teddy bears to amuse sick children to dense blocks of text describing the mass and specific microgravity of household objects and the approach needed for maximum results. He had to admit that one of the points written by the newcomer, Oriana, regarding kinetic energy exploits fascinated him, but it was hard to top little Cassandra's floating bear hug idea.

The next email was not from a student. It read simply, "Heard you were in the neighborhood and couldn't resist the urge to scold you for not stopping by."

There was no signature and the headers were scrambled. For a moment, the commander thought it might be another mystery email from Joker, but it didn't quite fit This didn't sound like the cocky pilot and emails from him had had at least enough information to trace.

Kaidan cracked his neck and settled into the chair more comfortably as he prepared for another digital goose chase. At least, that had been his plan until another email dropped in.

From: Captain Jimenez [jimenez©ascension·civ·sa]

Sent: February 1, 2185 01:03 UT

To: Kaidan Alenko [kaidan·alenko©fifthfleet·mil·sa]

Subject: ERJANT

COME KWIK!

A multitude of thoughts crashed in at once with the foremost being: if the matter was so urgent, why did the Ascension security chief send an email? Kaidan tapped a finger against his lips. And what was going on with the word he could only assume was a misspelled "urgent"? Or "quick" for that matter? His finger hovered over the delete command, figuring this was nothing more than spam spoofing Jimenez' address - something he'd look into later - but something just stuck.

Acting on impulse, the commander scrolled through the student papers until he found the one labeled _Biodik Teddys_. Clearly, the project's consoles did not have spellcheck turned on by default. Then there it was: "That way kids in erjantcare cin git hugs kwik!"

Kaidan buried his face in his hands. It seemed that Little Cassandra had somehow gotten into the security chief's email. This did not bode well for the woman's job. Actually… He raised his head. This did not bode well at all. Either the small child was craftier than he'd initially suspected, security had gotten extremely lax, or there was a grave problem at the research station. The first option was possible, but unlikely, while the second option was incredibly improbable, leaving only the third…

His hand again hovered over the console interface, but this time to reply. What did you say to a six year old thief? His fingers danced over numerous possibilities before he settled on the most basic, leaving nothing to be intercepted or misunderstood.

From: Kaidan Alenko [kaidan·alenko©fifthfleet·mil·sa]

Sent: February 1, 2185 21:03 UT

To: Captain Jimenez [jimenez©ascension·civ·sa]

Subject: Re: Timely Response

Checking in.

Staff Commander Alenko

Okay, so it wasn't pure genius.

Even after the message was out of his hands, a dark feeling in his gut wouldn't let go of the thought that something was very wrong and that he had not necessarily made it any better. He began to worry. _The project was a target after all. What if someone had infiltrated it and killed off the supervisors… and all the security personnel… without setting off an alarms…_ It did seem highly unlikely. _Perhaps Cassandra was just lonely or someone was bullying her… _

The thought didn't quell the feeling. A quick check could-

"It's time." Ash swung around the door frame with no announcement or invitation. Kaidan had been so wrapped up in his shifting vortex of a mind that he hadn't heard her at all.

"You could have just paged me." The commander clicked off the terminal, resolving to make use of their imminent discussion with Anderson to get to the bottom of the email mess. Even if he just looked like a mother hen. _What would be the worst that could happen? _

"… I'd be surprised if he didn't know about this Shepard double all along."

_Right. There was that. _

The chief had answered his question and continued on, stopping only when she suspected Kaidan wasn't paying attention, which, frankly, he hadn't been. "He would have told us if he knew."

Ash crossed her arms, her fatigues showing gun oil stains along the cuffs. "Right. Like he told us about Saren before it was absolutely need-to-know."

"He-" Kaidan nodded as he read Williams' expression. They hadn't known everything until the end, but he was still certain that they'd known enough considering what was available and what they needed to do. "You're right. I guess now's our chance to find out."

"Yep." Ash lead the way down the hall to the comm room. That sinking feeling the commander experienced earlier compounded, prickling down his neck. He watched the faces of the crewmen they passed, the way they moved and gathered. Something that he couldn't place his finger on wasn't right.

Then he saw Tenari.

The corporal was standing in the entrance to the mess, filling most of the doorway and staring. The two men locked eyes as the commander passed. Kaidan was sorely tempted to send the corporal to kitchen duty, but now was not the time. The act would imply that he was lashing out merely because he didn't like Tenari and the corporal would win support for his side of - whatever this was. Additionally, there were few places better suited to scuttlebutt than the galley.

It took remarkably little time to reach the comm room after that, but then time had a way of jumping ahead when Kaidan's mind was occupied. After announcing their presence, Ash leaned in and whispered. "I don't know why you two don't just haul them out against a meter stick and get it over with."

The door whirred open to reveal the petite Captain Safren already at the table conversing with the holographic image of Councilor Anderson. She waved them in and continued speaking. "And you believe these colonies are under attack?"

"I do, yes. We have sent a scout team to key colonies in the Terminus to determine the scale and validity." The Councilor seemed to stop himself short and his expression morphed from stern to something almost predatory. The Council and potentially the Alliance too were up to their old tricks - stalling.

Kaidan and Ash took their seats and held back their questions though both were listening intently for the new piece that would make a picture emerge from the puzzle.

"Captain, I won't keep you from your duties for a simple mission briefing." Anderson's tone was congenial, but the message was clear. Dismissed.

Nodding as she kept a strained smile on her face, Safren left the room. If Kaidan were a betting man, a week's pay would have said the woman didn't go far.

"Williams," the Councilor continued, "I received the report you transmitted. It is nothing short of disturbing. Unfortunately, I cannot authorize pursuit of the vessel in question at this time."

"You ca-" Ash began, rising from her seat.

Anderson held up a holographic hand. "I'm sorry, but it's out of my hands. We have a greater priority as I'm sure you've heard. The _Perth_ has been recalled to the Citadel while the two of you have been reassigned."

"With all due respect, sir, we've only just begun investigating this matter." Kaidan felt oddly detached as though this weren't really happening.

Ash was simply fuming, using all of her energy not to say something she would soon regret. Her hands tensed into balls as she clung to the edge of the table.

"I hope I don't need to emphasize that lives are at stake here. Not ghosts. Millions of lives. I'd like to get to the bottom of this as much as you, but this is the bottom line. Your new assignment has been transmitted. I trust you will both fulfill it to the best of your ability." Anderson's gaze was dark and meaningful.

"Yes, sir." The chief and commander responded together without enthusiasm.

"Dismissed." The projection disappeared.

Kaidan and Ash exchanged a look across the table, speechless. With his mind full of pressing issues and obstacles, the commander inhaled deeply and called up the new assignment on his omni-tool. It didn't get any better.

In three days, the _Perth_ would rendezvous with the _Killington _on Illium. Then, so they could assess the level of threat present, the _Killington_ would then ferry himself, Ash, and two crewmen of their choosing to a colony of interest.

Horizon.


	12. Remote Solutions

"This is ridiculous!" Ash paced back and forth through the cabin Kaidan had been assigned for his stay on the _Perth_. "It's a do-nothing position to just sit on our thumbs and… Argh!"

Surprised that the chief hadn't actually struck anything yet, Kaidan placed a hand on her shoulder. It wasn't that he had consoling words to offer, but simply that he understood. He'd had no delusions that his time on Ascension had been an attempt to sweep him under the rug and now, again, when he was getting close to something… And what could he tell her anyway? That there was more going on than they knew? He wasn't convinced though he did expect more from Anderson. "There's got to be more to this," he finally offered in a quiet voice.

Ash whirled, leveling a finger at the commander. "I told you. I told you he wasn't telling us everything. I- I- Shepard wouldn't have put up with this!"

"I know." Kaidan stepped away and sank onto the bunk. "I keep asking myself what she would do." He held his hands out, palm up. "Nothing comes to me. Did Safren give you leave after we dock?"

Williams furrowed her brow. "What? No. Why?"

"Well, we don't report to the _Killington_ until two days after we dock at Illium. Since I will be between assignments, I am at liberty for that time."

Ash shook her head. "It's not much time."

Kaidan thought it over then nodded with a sigh. "I hate to say this and I really don't want to, but Anderson is right - at least for right now. There's something else I need to look into. Lives could be at stake."

"Have you lost your mind? We're letting them slip through our fingers." Ash stopped pacing then, under the commander's steely stare, added a belated, "Sir."

Kaidan studied his terminal across the room. "I have reason to believe that there may be something wrong at the Ascension Project."

"The…? They have some of best security money can buy, don't they?" Some of the anger bled from Williams' stance as confusion took over.

"They do. I- It's complicated." The commander rose and walked over to the console, clicking it on without a second thought.

"Okay… Assuming that you're about to explain what's complicated about it - what do you want us to do about it? I'm not going to say that's not my job, but things like that are why we have a whole military instead of just one uber crew."

Kaidan wasn't sure yet what he wanted them to do. He felt he had to be there, but Williams did have a point.

Too drained to play it careful, the commander went for the direct approach. "I should call it in, but I'm afraid it is a trap and doing so will only tip them off."

"Are you sure you don't just think that you'd find nothing is wrong and you don't get to be the hero to those kids after all?" Ash leaned against the console table, scanning Kaidan's written evidence.

"I would love nothing more than for it all to be a prank. We have enough to worry about as it is." The commander pushed a hand through his hair as he alternated watching the chief and plotting the next move. Then he stopped. "You're right. We can't take it on ourselves."

Williams' peered up suspiciously, "Of course, I'm right, but that's not all, is it?"

Kaidan couldn't help but smile. It all seemed so easy. Now that he'd fit enough pieces together, the rest just tumbled into line. "Official channels have too much opportunity for a leak and I can't take the risk that a full investigation makes the situation worse."

"Not to mention the reprimand if there's nothing there." Ash tapped her fingers on the desk, waiting for the grand plan to descend.

"Right." The commander paused. He hadn't thought of that, but it didn't deter him. "So we go with someone we trust. Doctor Michel."

"Citadel Med Clinic Doctor Michel?" Williams arched a brow. "The one you were-"

"We had drinks, Ash. And talked shop - nothing more. But yes, that one. I've been in contact with her since-"

The chief's brow raised higher, complete with smug implication.

Kaidan's expression fell to flat refusal. "Since we began speaking in an unofficial capacity. You know what happened after the Battle of the Citadel. Aid accolades, recognition…" He waved his hand outward. "The works. She was also called upon to consult or provide extra aid at the Project when resources were low."

"Okay, I get why she can get in there, but do you even know what she's doing now? Not everyone is going to drop everything and rush into a potential trap - no matter how slim the chance of it even being one is."

He didn't like the thought of sending her into what could very well be hostile territory. Michel was street smart enough to keep her head above water, but there could be real danger. He'd let her make that decision. "We have to try."

Ash held her arms up in defeat and had been about to speak when two solid raps sounded at the door. "It's Remy," came the voice from the other side

"Enter," Kaidan called as he caught the chief's this-is-not-over look.

The door swished open to reveal the weary private. If the man was surprised to see Williams in the commander's quarters, he made not mention of it. "I wanted to come say goodbye in person."

Kaidan frowned. Word of their transfer had certainly spread quick and like most gossip, hadn't carried the full message.

"Sorry's contracted a secondary infection," Remington continued, "and they're transferring him to a Med Center at the next port. I've- My leave has been granted to accompany him."

Something in the man's eyes made the commander feel that perhaps there was something more than close camaraderie between the two privates. It wasn't something he approved, but the root of it, he understood completely. He clapped Remy's shoulder with one hand and offered his sympathy without saying a word.

Ash was a little more verbose and added her sentiment through a clenched jaw. "Don't worry Rem, we'll go back and clean up those sons of bitches."

The private snorted. "Won't deny that if the whole station blows up, we'll be cheering as we watch the vid on replay, but… thanks." The smallest smile lifted his eyes and what he and Williams were really trying to say seemed to pass between them, almost palpable. No station-genocide necessary.

"It's been a pleasure serving with you, Private," Kaidan added, " When Sorrenson's patched up we'll get a round or three on the Citadel."

"Sounds like a plan, Commander." Remy nodded and looked over his shoulder. "I need to get back…"

"Dismissed." The order came from both the commander and chief. It was easier than the real word - Goodbye.

As Remington walked away, Kaidan turned to Ash, "I'm sure he'll be fine."

A shade paler than usual, Williams nodded. "I guess that settles it then."

"Settles?"

"The staffing choice. It'll be you, me, Tenari, and Booke on Horizon."

Kaidan rubbed his forehead. Why was it that for each problem solved, three more sprang up?

"Permission to speak freely, sir?" Ash moved in close, halfway between the console and the door.

The commander looked up. _When had she not? _Readying himself for what was to come, he nodded. "Go ahead…"

"I am not camping out on a nowhere colony while you and Tenari try to tear each other's throats out." The ultimatum shot like a laser from the chief's steely gaze.

He chuckled, thinking of the 'progress' he and the corporal had made on Omega. They'd been mostly avoiding each other since. "I'll see what I can do."

The answer satisfied Ash, at least for now and she'd gone on to check on Sorrenson. A half hour after she left, Kaidan found himself still staring at the blank message he'd intended to compose to Doctor Michel. There simply was no right way to ask what he was going to ask of her in text.

He'd need to call. He didn't want to call.

Even as thoughts of little Cassandra came to the fore of his mind, some tiny selfish part of his mind tried to prevent him from moving toward his current objective. He hadn't been entirely honest with Ash after all. It hadn't been his plan to simply have drinks with the doctor and talk about the latest breakthroughs in medical science. He'd been trying to move on.

The doctor was attractive, very intelligent, and had an accent he could listen to all day. He hadn't been listening to most of what she'd said that night. He had been watching, tracing the contours of the woman's face with his eyes and trying to fan life into the tiniest spark of desire with pitiful results. It was as though the numbness that had set into his body after Shepard's passing had become permanent.

Still, he'd had another drink. He laughed when it was appropriate, danced with a woman who was not rushing off to save the day the moment he held out his hand, and, after following the good doctor to her place in the Wards, he'd kissed her goodnight.

He remembered how, the last time she'd been at the Ascension Project, she'd giggled then and invited him into the guest quarters. He'd taken too long to answer, studying the various certificates that were pinned to the walls. Chloe hadn't minded. She'd stood there waiting, a blissful smile on her face as she'd looked up at him.

That was two months ago. He hadn't seen her in person since, but he was pretty sure, he'd given her the wrong impression.


	13. Targeted

"Kaidan!" Dr. Michel's voice was jubilant as she answered the call, a smiling red-headed beauty in holo form. "It is so good to see you."

Getting clearance for the personal call from Safren was easy after he'd insinuated that it had something to do with him leaving her ship. She really was too happy to see him leave for his comfort, but then again, he hadn't exactly made her life easier.

"Chloe, it's been… It's been a long time." If he'd been on the _Normandy_, there would have been more than a few stir-crazy privates popping into the frame to tease him. He hadn't connected enough with anyone on the _Perth_ to be that kind of target, but he kept his voice down all the same.

"It has. I was at Grissom Academy just two days ago and they told me you had left. Shame on you, you should have told me." Nothing conveyed a pout quite so well as the French lilt to the doctor's voice.

"I know, I"m sorry. It's just that things moved pretty quickly." Kaidan broke from his apology as what Chloe had said broke into the train of thoughts he'd been prepared to go through. "You were at the Project?"

"Yes. I received the strangest letter from the little one with the big imagination asking me to come see her. So I did." Michel's confusion gave way to nonchalance as she shrugged. Rather, she started to do so then stopped abruptly to lean in, her keen eyes peering into Kaidan's. "There was nothing so strange about that. What has you worried?"

He couldn't keep himself from frowning. "The letter. It was from Cassandra?"

"Yes, she asked that I come visit." The first syllable was drawn out and Chloe's brow creased as she stared more intently.

"How was she?"

"Fine for the most part. She was very worried about a friend of hers who had left." The doctor's eyes drew skyward as she recalled the name. "Oriana."

"Did she say why?" Kaidan pushed back as he realized he too was intently staring into the screen.

"Something about her not wanting to go or different people taking her… Something about a green woman, I think. As I said, a big imagination." Chloe frowned. "Poor thing though. Must miss her friend terribly."

"And Jimenez? Berg? Everyone alright?" He felt himself leaning in again. He didn't care.

"I would say so. I did not speak with them much though. They were entertaining a guest." Michel held up a finger. "And before you ask, no, I didn't catch the name, but they must have been important. A good many of the staff were in the meeting room that I saw."

The commander felt he now had all the puzzle pieces. If only he could click them together. He was slow in answering the doctor's last comment.

"Kaidan? Do you have any leave coming up?"

The question was unexpected though it shouldn't have been. "Not for a while."

There was that pout again. "Be sure to let me know when you do. I would love to see you again."

"Chloe, I-" Kaidan broke off as a snickering noise somewhere nearby caught his attention. He tried not to scowl as returned his attention to the doctor. "I need to take care of something. I'll be in touch."

"Soon?"

"I'll do my best," the commander answered absently as he ended the call. There was a decision to be made. Whirl about to confront the eavesdropper and look more than a little unhinged or quietly stalk them out. The first would be more immediately gratifying, but he still had at least half a head on his shoulders.

Acting as though he'd heard nothing at all, Kaidan busied himself with an update to the console's OS he'd ignored when first signing in to it. Unfortunately, the glowing screen provided no source of reflection and he was forced to ferret out the intruder's location with his ears alone.

And nose. The sweat-stained smell of someone who hadn't showered after training lingered nearby. It wasn't uncommon on the ship, but it hadn't been there before. Grimacing, he inhaled the scent and, based on what he knew of the ship's interior ventilation, deduced that the smell came from the left.

He turned to find a man who wasn't hiding at all, but standing like a mountain in the doorway with a towel over his shoulder. Tenari grinned around the toothpick he was chewing. "Captain would like a word with you, sir."

Kaidan suspected the corporal could have just relayed the message to his comms, but carried it down personally just to piss him off. It was interesting, the man's presence was so much of an affront that anything he did seemed little in comparison. "Thank you."

He had to pass by the larger man to clear the door. Tenari waited until his lack of movement was nearly a breach of protocol before stepping back. The corporal looked as though he was about to say something. His eyes flickered from the console screen to the commander's face and back and he just smiled.

"Something on your mind, Tenari?" Kaidan crossed his arms as he looked the corporal in the eye.

"No, sir. Just looking forward to a change of scenery." The smile he gave then was almost innocent, but he was layered deeper than an onion.

The commander nodded, sensing he wouldn't get anything further. "Dismissed."

Tenari saluted and seemed to wait until Kaidan had turned his back to head toward Safren's office before moving.

A few minutes later the commander reached his destination and raised his hand to knock, but froze mid-motion.

"This is not a good time," The hiss of the Captain's voice slipped through the door like smoke from a fire.

A deeper, more masculine voice answered, but his words slid in and out of auditory range. Something about time and a man? Conclusive? Though he strained, Kaidan couldn't make sense of the answer. In fact, he probably shouldn't. He knocked firmly on the door, announcing his presence.

There was a scrambling from within - chairs moving and something being put away? He couldn't quite tell.

Safren appeared at the door in all her glory, looking no worse for whatever had just happened within. "Commander."

Kaidan tried to make himself relax. It was nothing and certainly no business of his. "You wanted to see me, Ma'am?"

"Yes, Alenko." The petite woman moved further into the office, curls bouncing behind her as she motioned for the commander to follow. "I take it you've heard about Sorrenson and Remington by now." She turned as she reached her desk. "Councilor Anderson informs me that you'll be taking two more of my crew away. I assume that will be Lieutenant Booke and Corporal Tenari. Is that correct?"

"Yes, Ma'am." He and Ash hadn't officially come to a conclusion on the topic, but there seemed to be no other logical choice.

The spritely Captain nodded. "I thought as much. Given the circumstances I find myself in, I would like your recommendation for their replacements."

"Ma'am?"

Safren opened her mouth to reply, but an urgent comm signal drew her attention. "Report. What do you mean off course? That asteroid belt was point five light years away from-"

Klaxons blared, overtaking any other sound.

Kaidan didn't wait for an order. Without a formal post to report to, he immediately made for the bridge. Mid-way there the ship banked and only the swift response of the a-grav kept him from tumbling into the wall. When he finally made it to the helm, awash in orange lights, he gripped the nearest security latches to stabilize himself - just in case.

"They're coming about!" the red-headed pilot shouted as his fingers flicked over the controls.

"Within range in thirty seconds," someone else on the bridge replied. To the commander, they were a wash of unknown faces, working furiously like arms on an assembly line.

"Weapons?" the pilot called angrily.

"Nothing. The first volley was well-targeted." Another voice in the room. A tech.

The ship shuddered as something in the rear was hit.

"How are they getting past our shields?" Kaidan inquired.

"Primaries were down for maintenance. Don't know about the secondaries. They should have held." The response came from the first voice to respond to the pilot, a woman with silvery hair.

"Should have isn't going to help right now. Here they come again." The pilot gritted out his words as he maneuvered the ship out of range. "What's the status on my shields?"

"Secondaries still down. Primaries are… back up." The tech who answered sounded astonished.

"Then let's- Hey, where'd they go?" The pilot scrolled frantically through the terminal, trying regain the enemy's position.

"No contacts, sir." Silver-hair shook her head as she gave the reading.

"The hell was that? Hit and run?" The pilot glanced back, seemingly looking for some bright ideas.

Kaidan shook his head. He had no idea what had just happened.


	14. Missing Persons

Nos Astra, Illium.

Kaidan wasn't sure he'd ever seen such a beautiful cityscape. Every aesthetic had been accounted for. He stood on the walkway overlooking the trading floor where more asari than he'd ever seen together before paced, argued, and negotiated. Even with the tension rising, he was reminded of the first time he'd seen the Citadel arms from the inside... with Shepard.

It had been a slip of the tongue when he'd confessed how beautiful he thought she was, but her smile made it a happy accident, buoying him through their foray through Flux and Chora's Den. He sighed, letting the vision of Shepard's face drift further into memory. It seemed to hover in the air, almost shivering before it took a backseat to his worries.

Two days had gone by and the _Perth_ crew still hadn't uncovered the meaning behind the mystery attack. They hadn't even gotten a fix on the type of ship it had been. A through search had only revealed "Unidentified Signature" over and over again. The matter had been bounced up the command chain with little hope of a definitive answer. Kaidan wondered when he'd lost such faith in the Alliance. It wasn't the soldiers on the ground, but it just seemed that as soon as a steadfast officer was given a desk, his incompetence level rose with his pay grade. Still, there was Anderson…

Who had given him this assignment. The _Killington_ was due to arrive in only a matter of hours and he would soon find out everything the far-flung colony of Horizon had to offer. Yet it seemed even that would have to wait -an upbeat chirp alerted him to an incoming comm connection. "Alenko," he responded.

"Good evening, Staff Commander Alenko." The voice was familiar, female, and most assuredly not military.

"Good evening… …" Resisting the urge to ask how the caller got this frequency, he paused to bait her for her name or at least what she would call herself.

She didn't answer as expected. "You walked away from me. It was very disappointing."

The voice clicked with hazy recognition. The club on Omega, an asari… "I had some business to take care of."

"Indeed. I think I'll let you make it up to me. Meet me at Eternity in one hour."

"I don't think-"

"I have something of yours," the voice cooed, taunting him.

Kaidan paused. It wasn't in his best interest to take the bait, but he couldn't take the chance that it wasn't a legitimate threat. He sighed. "Go on."

"I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise. She and I were just getting to know each other." The asari laughed and the line went dead.

Frowning, the commander dialed up Ash's frequency.

"Williams." The voice on the other end was nearly drowned out by the hum of machinery in the background.

"Still on the _Perth_?" Kaidan asked though he could picture exactly where the chief was - standing guard over the artillery she would soon be saying goodbye to.

"Just have a few loose ends to tie up. Sampson in Engineering seems to think we fired first."

The commander's train of thought derailed. "How is that possible?" Two nearby asari looked over as at his raised voice. He barely saw them.

There was a pause. "I haven't ruled out any possibilities yet."

Sabotage. The word sprang into the commander's mind as clearly as if he'd heard it from the chief. On the floor below a chime sounded, signaling the end of a trading session and reminding Kaidan that he had little time to waste. "Sounds like you've got your hands full."

The noise on the other end quieted considerably. "What's going on?"

Ash was too sharp. He'd been debating walking into the trap alone. Stupid, but without a crew, sometimes necessary. Granted, he'd have left himself a way out. "I need a trace on a call I just received and the locations of Booke and Tenari."

"I'll put Remy on it. Need to get his head on something else before he's off-ship anyway. Booke is with me. She can be at your coordinates in seven minutes. Tenari already headed off to Eternity. It will take some time to call him back."

"No, leave him where he is, but brief him. Booke and I will head to Eternity to check out a threat. Have Booke suit up and bring my hardsuit. If we're not back by oh eight hundred, follow my signal."

Ash didn't sound happy, but complied. "Understood."

The lieutenant took only five and a half minutes to reach his position. The walk to the asari club was even quicker. It was once they entered the club that the commander paused and looked at Booke. "Hang back and look for Tenari. Radio if you see a greenish-blue asari with freckles."

"Aye aye, Commander." The lieutenant raised a brow as several asari fitting that description passed by.

Kaidan sighed and shook his head as he searched his memory for more details. "Look for one wearing red leather." Which, of course, assumed that this woman hadn't changed since he saw her last. "It's the same one from Afterlife."

Booke nodded firmly and stood back, allowing the crowd to fill in the distance between herself and the commander as he walked further into the room.

The music here was not so loud as in Afterlife and had an almost soothing, trance-like quality. It made each step Kaidan took into the club feel somewhat outside himself as though he were watching rather than participating. Several asari seemed to be watching him as well. This wasn't Omega. Armored club-goers were not the norm. He locked down the feeling and scanned the room, preferring to find the mystery asari before she found him, but nearly certain it wouldn't happen.

Just when he'd been about to give up his search, a hand slipped over his shoulder. His head snapped around to face the owner, but it wasn't her. A tall, blue asari stared back with eerily light eyes. The eyes did not distract from the cut in her red leather uniform than went nearly to her navel. Without smiling, the asari said simply, "Excuse me, friend," and moved on.

A small chime alerted Kaidan to an incoming message and he knew who it would be. "Alenko."

"Commander," the familiar voice purred, "it is rather crowded tonight, don't you think? Run down the back entrance to a long hall through a cargo hold leading to Dock 94."

"Now, wait a minute. You're going to need to give me more information than that." Even has he spoke, Kaidan's eyes flicked over the signs of the establishment, seeking the best route.

"You don't need a map, do you?" It was almost as though the woman on the other end was lounging while speaking. She was certainly enjoying playing with him in any manner.

"You know what I mean. Who is it you are holding?" He tried not to grit his teeth.

"Well, let's see… She has short brown hair, blue eyes, a penchant for speaking when she shouldn't, and a crackling temper. Pity you humans rely on those contraptions at the back of your necks…"

He could see her now, the bright student who'd visited the project just for his lecture. Her family had been so protective and now… "What do you want with her?"

"You, of course. Though I must admit, spending some time with this fascinating creature is piquing my interest."

"Trust me. She's of no interest to you." Kaidan worked to keep his voice level as he moved through the club.

"Don't be late." And then the woman was gone.

Immediately, the commander dialed up William's frequency. "Any luck with that trace?"

"The signal is coming from inside a known Eclipse stronghold." Ash paused and Kaidan could hear typing. When she spoke again her voice was quieter. "Watch your back."

"Will do." With a flick of his finger, Kaidan switched to the local loop. "Booke, Tenari. Heading to Dock 94. Eclipse forces likely. Follow at a distance."

"Understood." The lieutenant's reply came immediately.

Tenari's took a little longer. "Copy."

The commander hesitated at the rear exit. He reached into his reserves, readying his biotic energy as he checked the clearance on his sidearm. A cough sounded behind him. Footsteps echoed from the hall ahead. The buzz of conversation continued undisturbed.

Kaidan advanced one wary step at a time. Just before a large, industrial door, the hall forked, spreading to the right and left perpendicular to his location. Several dozen meters further, the branches turned again. He couldn't see past the corners. No telltale shadows or signs of passage. He stepped across the way as quiet footsteps pulled up on his six.

A large cargo area sprawled out ahead. The commander ducked behind the nearest stack of crates and whispered into his comms. "Report."

Rustling. A flash of movement. Tenari's voice. "On your nine. Taking position on the catwalk."

"Six hostiles at three o'clock. Four more entering from the North. Clear on our side," Booke added.

Relying on the bird's eye intel, Kaidan advanced along the left, checking around cargo and listening for reports of movement. At one point, he could see the entrance across the way where the yellow uniforms seemed to congregate. There was no reason to alert them to his presence just yet. Then he saw an open door clearly marked 94. He edged in for a preliminary look.

And came face to face with the muzzle of a pistol.


	15. Loaded Weapon

The commander's world narrowed to the width of the barrel pointed directly at him. Around it, he could catch glimpses of movement, blocky objects, and a halo of red. His hand clenched around the grip of his pistol and he instinctively sought the buzzing energy within.

"Kaidan?" The familiar voice, barely a whisper, was astonished, full of warmth and surprise. The wielder of the pistol lowered her weapon.

With each degree the pistol moved, Kaidan's vision came into more focus, sharpening until the blocky objects became crates, the movement became a dark-haired officer beside a drell, and the halo of red became the most beautiful mop of hair he'd ever seen stuffed inside a helmet. His heart thudded in his chest and his heart rate began blinking on his HUD. He mouthed a single word. "Shepard."

Kaidan's former CO smiled and lead the group further behind the tower of cargo that served as their cover. So many questions seemed to fill her eyes, but there wasn't time to address them. Shepard brought her fingers up toward her eyes then pointed out past the crates, tapped her wrist, and signaled the number three.

From his location, Kaidan could see a heavily armored Eclipse asari and two others in street clothes - an asari and a human. _Shepard._ None of them were his target. _Shepard is alive! _The armored asari was also wielding one of the largest rifles he'd ever seen. _Lock it down, soldier._ He turned, looked up behind him and caught the eye of Tenari whose own rifle was trained on the door several meters in front of him.

The commander turned back to Shepard. His vision wavered as he watched her fingers direct her squad mates to points of cover at either side of the central targets. Then she looked at him, looked up at his own squad and pointed toward the middle asari. She sliced a finger across her throat, pointed in the man's direction and shook her head. Kaidan nodded in confirmation and relayed the target information.

On Shepard's signal weapons' fire erupted from all around. The unarmored asari went down in a matter of seconds while the Eclipse woman surrounded herself with a shield that repelled most of the fire. She never saw the drell drop in behind her and the snap of her neck was audible even through the firestorm.

When the proverbial smoke cleared, the dark-haired officer was holding the sole male target in a painful stasis. The man's arms were bent behind him and his wide eyes focused on the fury of the woman before him. "Niket, you sold me out."

Kaidan's comms beeped insistently in his ear as the sound of gunfire exploded in the room beyond. "Status?"

"Ten hostiles heading your way," Booke reported.

"Make that eight." Tenari's voice was distant - and smug.

Kaidan and Shepard turned toward the door behind them as one, pistols drawn.

The first yellow uniform that barreled over the threshold seemed almost in slow motion, as though he were running through ballistics gel. A blue wall, like a second-skin, flickered with each shot they fired into the mercenary. Then a splash of red erupted through the black insignia on the man's chest, showering Shepard and Kaidan with gore.

"Seven." Tenari's voice buzzed over the sound of heavily armored feet and the sound of his echoing shots.

Ignoring the sticky substance as it dripped down his armor, Kaidan clenched his fist then extended his hand forward, throwing up a field around the door. He lowered his hand, slowly increasing that gravity of the area until the mercs simply stopped coming.

Beside him, Shepard continued firing. Each shot was precise and measured, unlike the volley that came from Tenari's position. The mercenaries didn't stand a chance.

Kaidan was certain they'd felled the last of them when Booke's voice broke over his comms. "I'm hit! Hostile incoming." Wasting no time, he vaulted over the pile of corpses and made for her position. Without comment, Shepard shadowed him with no comment.

He had no words for the sight they found when they reached the catwalk. Looking up, Kaidan could see Tenari, rifle aimed directly at a drell. Part of Shepard's unit, he realized belatedly. Between the two men attempting to kill each other, was Booke. She sat on the metal grate, a hand to her head, and an oozing darkness coloring the side of her face.

"He yours?" Shepard asked in a clipped tone.

Kaidan turned, but didn't answer. A single yellow logo on her chest filled his vision. Cerberus. Woodenly, he spoke into his comms. "Sitrep."

"Damn lizard popped out of nowhere," Tenari growled. "I got him, sir."

Shepard raised a hand to her comm unit. "Thane, let it go."

The drell studied Shepard then pointed his rifle at the grating by his feet. Kaidan didn't miss the slight blue flicker that crackled along the man's shoulders. Quickly, he ordered, "Tenari, stand down," he ordered.

The corporal glanced at him in disbelief. He kept his rifle trained on the drell for a few more tense seconds before finally lowering it.

Any opportunity for further explanation was cut short by a piercing scream from the dock behind them.

Expecting the worst, Kaidan threw up a shield between his group and Thane. Then, with his energy still focused behind him, he turned toward the door. Shepard was several steps ahead of him. He couldn't see beyond the crates and hold the barrier. "Tenari, get down here with Booke," he barked into his comms. He released his shield and ran to the next room. The silence emanating from it sending chills up his spine.

"Aye aye." The sound of metal clinking followed the corporal's resigned response along with Booke's voice somewhere in the background, protesting that she really was fine.

Kaidan barely heard it. In front of him, the man called Niket was being torn apart by shearing forces at the slowest rate he'd ever observed. It wouldn't be deadly - not yet - but the intent had personal all over it.

"Where is she?" the dark-haired woman demanded as she held her hand steady before her. "Where is Oriana?"

_Oriana? _Kaidan focused on the officer.

"She-She's safe. I-Argh! Dammit, Miri!" Niket struggled to form words as Shepard walked over to the officer - Miri? - and placed a hand on her shoulder.

Lowering her eyes, Miri brought her hand down and released her prisoner. It didn't mean she'd given up. Now, she simply towered over the crumpled man. "Where. Is. She?"

Niket coughed and tried to pull himself together. "We… intercepted a ship. The _Demeter_. She ran." He shook his head. "Adoptive parents… waiting. Don't know…"

"You were trying to bring her back to my father. Why?" Miri's hand clenched tightly around the grip of a pistol still in its holster.

"Was trying to save her." He spat blood on the floor and cleared his throat. "They told me you kidnapped her and I could get her back to her family peacefully."

"You know what he'd do to her." The pistol was no longer in its holster.

"Actually, I do. Shower her with wealth. Give her everything she ever wanted - everything you took her from."

"No, it's not like that!" The pistol trembled. "He's willing to take her away from the only family she's ever known. Doesn't that tell you anything about what he wants for her?"

The argument continued, Kaidan's attention did not. Shepard had left the officer's side and was standing close to him. Ready to snap to attention at any moment, he left himself steal a moment. He could feel a sense of peace from simply being near her - see the glint of compassion in her gaze. There was something else to - an alienness in her eyes. _Maybe Ash was right..._

He didn't need to contemplate it further. Miri's hand flashed forward and Shepard moved to intercede. The smell of blood tinged the air as she strode past and suddenly he couldn't remember why he'd been so distracted.

"You don't want to do this, Miranda," Shepard spoke in a soft voice.

Kaidan's comms chirped. He kept half an eye on the unfolding event as he answered. "Alenko."

It wasn't Tenari or Booke, but then - he hadn't expected it to be. "Touching reunion. Almost worth the trouble."

"You are done dragging me in circles," Kaidan growled in a low voice as he reached up to disconnect the channel.

"Oh, I don't want you anymore. I want… _her_." The asari laughed as she broke the transmission.

_Dammit! _ Kaidan paced the area entryway as tried to connect to Ash. Nothing.

"Booke, Tenari," he called as he turned, "You receiving anything from the _Perth_?

Tenari signaled that he had not and raised a hand toward his comms. With the corporal no longer supporting her, Booke slipped to the ground.

Kaidan felt the blood drain from his face as he rushed to the lieutenant. "Hey, you stay with us."

Booke opened her eyes. "I'm fine. Just a.. headache, sir."

The commander shook his head as he inspected her injuries as should have been done earlier. Too much of her brown hair, slick and shiny with medi-gel, was colored red. That wasn't what concerned him most, however.

"What happened to your helmet?" he asked, trying not to let concern sharpen his tone.

"God damn thing exploded. HUD went crazy and there was this piercing shriek right into my ears... kind of like a whistle." Booke's voice became almost giddy at the end of her statement.

Kaidan wasn't sure what to believe. He looked at Tenari. "You see a clinic on the way in."

The corporal took a long moment to reply, staring off in the direction of Shepard's crew.

"Tenari!" Kaidan demanded. "Did you see a clinic?"

As though coming out of a trance, the corporal nodded. "Two klicks before Eternity. To the West."

"Lift her and meet me there. Shepard-" Kaidan turned to say something - anything - to the woman he'd thought to be dead for the last two years.

She was gone.


	16. Mental Maelstrom

"How do you know it was her?" Ash peered suspiciously at Kaidan as they waited at the port for the _Killington_ to finish its docking procedures.

"Oh, trust me. It was her." Tenari crossed his arms as he intercepted the question, as if certain that he was right and…

_And what?_ There was something else about the man Kaidan couldn't quite place, something predatory. It didn't matter. _She is alive! Right?_ "I'll admit there were… differences, but it felt like her." It took a concentrated effort to keep his voice level as a very real doubt stabbed into a maelstrom of emotions. _How could she possibly be alive?_

"Are you sure you're the best judge?" Ash raised a brow.

Tenari snorted. "He and I are the best judges you're going to find."

"Wait, you…?" Ash groaned and turned away. "Now all the chest puffing makes sense." She stepped closer to the commander. Her voice dropped to the tone of a parent counseling on the subject of invisible friends. "What I meant was maybe you're too close. I know you _want_ it to be her, but that doesn't make it true."

Kaidan nodded, conceding the point, if not the tone. "We need to follow this further. Now, while it's still hot." Now, before his need to know drove him insane. There were far too many questions. Too many... thoughts. Each time he came close to an answer or rationalization, a jagged spike of excitement broke in. His boots were set fast on the deck, but inside he was racing.

"Don't know how you plan on following anyone." Speaking in a low, careful voice, Booke joined them.

"Bout time they cleared you." Tenari appraised the lieutenant and shook his head. "Little bump on the head and everyone goes nuts."

Booke shrugged. "The protocol for concussions is very specific. I am just glad my little incident did not interfere with the mission."

For a moment, concern took the forefront of Kaidan's mind as he appraised Booke. She looked pale, but determined. As with everything else that day, he swallowed what he wanted to say and replied, "We recovered your helmet. We'll get it checked out as soon as we're on board."

Booke nodded and cautiously, tipped her head to the side. "Who are we following?"

Tenari grinned. "That redhead from the dock. She's-"

"An associate of Moreau's." Kaidan leveled a glare at the corporal. Of all people, Shepard deserved respect, but beyond that, there was no sense in Booke knowing anymore than she presently did. _Yeah, Alenko. That's the reason._

"Must be some pretty important people to put in so much work for. 'Specially now. You hear the news vid about New Canton?"

Schooling his thoughts with sheer determination, Kaidan scanned the area around them. Travelers milled about in cafes or camped on uncomfortable seats as they awaited the arrival of ships. Inside the security checkpoint, there was no one without clearance. His eyes came to rest on the sweeping form of the _Killington_ as he awaited the finalization of its docking procedure, focusing more on that than his reply. "No. What happened?"

Booke frowned. "All gone. Traders came back a few days ago reporting that they hadn't seen a soul."

"That's-" Whatever the commander had been about to say was lost in the swish of the ship's airlock.

Two corporals stepped out, followed by a large, gruff captain with a scar streaking back from his left eye. "Alenko," the man nodded and ambled over to clap the commander on the shoulder. "It's been too long."

"Captain Scheherade," Kaiden smiled thinly, offering a salute as the larger man pulled away. "It's good to see you." _Well, almost._ The last time he'd seen this man was on Alchera, just after... the last time he'd seen Shepard. _No_, he corrected himself, _not the last time._

"Well, look at that." Scheherade scratched his scar as he studied the commander. "They promoted you. Congrats, kid."

"And they gave you a new ship." Kaidan gestured over the gleaming _Killington_.

"Yep." The Captain crossed his arms behind his back as he looked over his vessel. "Still isn't big enough if you ask me."

"You would need a flying mountain to satisfy you, Captain," Ash joked, stepping closer.

"This…" Scheherade laughed. "is true. Now, who do we have here?"

Booke and Tenari snapped to attention under the captain's gaze, answering his question in rapid succession.

"Lieutenant Booke, sir. Medical Services Corps."

"Corporal Tenari… sir. Combat Arms."

The Captain waved his hand. "None of that. I know who you are. Apparently, the Alliance thinks I need some help installing defense towers." He shook his head. "But what do I know? It'll be good to have you."

"Agreed, sir." Kaidan nodded.

Scheherade turned back toward his corporals. "Draven, Bishop, give the lieutenant and corporal here the tour. I've got some catching up to do here."

"Aye aye, sir," The corporals answered in unison and beckoned the new crew toward them.

Wasting little time, Tenari, Book, Draven, and Bishop disappeared into the ship.

Ash stealthily elbowed Kaidan, casting a significant look at the one called Draven.

The commander didn't outwardly respond. The Draven they'd found to be a possible lead on Joker had been an officer, not a corporal. Still, it was worth noting.

The Captain's expression sobered. He crossed his arms and leaned in close. "Look, I know we're not heading' out to that backwater colony just for some blasted towers, but they're stonewalling me at every turn. Makes it damn hard to do my job." He spread his hands wide. "So… what I'm asking you is, you know anything I don't?"

Kaidan paused. He hadn't been given a confidentiality order on what little he did know, but the fact that the captain hadn't been told even that much…

Ash didn't have quite the same quandary. "Don't know what. Don't know who, but we're looking for an attack."

Scheherade nodded firmly. "That's what I thought. Got somethin' to do with those other colonies, right?"

"It would seem so," Kaidan conceded. There wasn't much he was sure of anymore.

"Good." The Captain ground a fisted hand into an open one. "I had family on New Canton. Don't know yet if they're alive, but if they're not… Won't matter who the culprit is. I'll see what color their blood is."

_Unless it was a Reaper._ The thought popped into the commander's head without warning and really made very little sense. If massive sentient ships were attacking their colonies, nobody would have been able to keep this tight a lid on it.

"Well. Guess that's 'bout it." Scheherade angled his head back. "Come on board and I'll get you situated while we fuel up."

The difference between the interior of the _Killington_ and that of the _Perth _was like night and day. While the _Perth_ had felt somewhat cramped and stale no matter the amount of space around, the _Killington_ felt clean, open, and efficient even in the smallest corridor.

Ash whistled as she looked around. "State of the art. Got some big credits in this baby."

Scheherade beamed. "She's not but a half dozen missions off the line. I was actually looking forward to putting her through her paces, but this little side trip will have to do. Though…" he considered while stroking his chin. "ya never know."

After Kaidan and those he'd come to think of as his crew were familiarized with the ship and assigned positions on the short-handed staff, the commander found himself with enough down time to get a full night's rest. A prospect which, after recent events, he happily embraced.

Gone were the bunks of the _Perth_ and as he lifted the lid to the sleeper pod, he began to analyze everything that had been forced to wait.

The strange asari had lost her interest in him and taken a shine to Shepard. He'd have to check with Ash on that trace he'd requested. At least she'd been intercepted before she'd been able to use her captive to her advantage - if she'd ever had her at all.

Shepard. No matter where his thoughts went, they quickly returned to that one. _She was alive. How in the world was she alive? She couldn't be some design or copy. She just... couldn't. _Kaidan released his fingers from the stiff fists he'd made at his sides and remembered to breathe.

Oriana… was safe. He had yet to confirm it, but given the intensity of the woman seeking her - Miranda, was it? - he would have bet credits that the girl never even caught a fever from this point on.

Heat. That was the expression he'd seen on Tenari's face earlier. The man reminded him of a wolf looking to mate. Kaidan's lips narrowed to a thin line. He would not have Shepard. He didn't deserve her. And if the corporal tried anything… well, he just had to make her see that.

Shepard. Kaidan felt as though his entire body was smiling as he thought of her. She was alive! He contemplated that for a moment, feeling her memory with his mind as though he might actually touch her in that way. But then, the truths and questions of the matter intruded.

She was with Cerberus.

How could she not remember everything they'd done? Akuze for God's sake!

He went over every detail from the clip in her voice to the patch on her shoulder. Maybe she was on an undercover op... Something he hadn't heard about. Sure, it was possible. The sinking weight in his stomach reminded him that even he didn't believe himself on that one.

Why did she leave? There was the mission – always the mission, but had there really not been enough time for more than a few words? And where did she go? Why hadn't he been able to find her? He hadn't turned his back for that long.

Kaidan inhaled deeply and simply allowed the war within him to rage on of its own accord. Memories, the feel of her skin, collided with fury and became a tortured, mocking figure that raised its hand to point.

Tap tap tap.

The commander awoke with a gasp. The interior air of the pod did nothing to warm the clammy feeling of his forehead as he tried to recall when he'd fallen asleep. His hand shook as he wiped it away and turned his attention to the door. The crisp uniform of one of the corporals he'd seen earlier appeared through the glass. Woodenly, Kaidan tapped in the opening sequence and the pod lid rose up.

The amber-eyed crewman saluted sharply. "Corporal Bishop, sir. I'm sorry to have woken you, but there is a call that requires your attention immediately."

One of these days, he would figure out just what he did to the universe to deserve the succession of strange events he'd experienced since his mother's eezo encounter. Stepping out of the pod, Kaidan returned the salute and added, "At ease, soldier," without even thinking about it. Some things never died.

He waited and when the corporal did not continue or seem to relax in the least, he prompted. "What can you tell me about the call, Bishop?"

"Not much, sir. We received it only a ten minutes ago. The caller was able to provide Alliance identification, but this information proved to belong to a soldier who was KIA."

_Shepard. _Kaidan's mind jumped before he could reel it in. It made a certain amount of sense that she would find a way to contact him after recent events. That wasn't the most likely scenario, however. "Interesting."

He'd meant to say more, but Bishop barreled on as he lead the commander down the hall. "Definitely. Scheherade wanted to check it out before sending notification so he sent Draven and I to alert you and Chief Williams ASAP."

"You could have sent a message through." Kaidan rubbed his eyes, feeling like he'd been sleepless for weeks.

"We tried, sir. There was no answer."

So he had managed some sleep after all. If only he felt like it.

"This way, sir." Bishop pointed into a room where an animated Ashley Williams was shouting at a holoprojector.

"No, there is no excuse for that," the Chief snapped.

As Bishop exited, the door swished closed behind him. The form in the projection was hidden behind Ash. Kaidan stepped toward her with the intention of calming her down.

"Alenko. Been a long time." A very familiar voice rang out and it wasn't Shepard's.

Kaidan stared at the image. "Joker."


	17. Better Bugs

"What? Did I grow a tail? Are there horns sticking out of my head?" Joker felt around on top of his ball cap as if expecting to find something sharp and pointy.

"Oh no. You do not change the subject that easily. Two years, Moreau. Two years and now you decide to call?" Ash fumed.

"Well it's not like I had much choice in the matter. Okay, I did, but what was I going to say? Hey darlin', guess what - I'm with the bad guys now?" Joker held out his hands to punctuate his point. The orange light from his console made the gesture look almost sinister.

"She has a point. Why now?" Kaidan leveled a glance at Ash, willing her to stay quiet just for a few minutes.

"Wow and here I thought I'd have to go into the whole speech about how they're not really bad guys. For the record. I did try to keep in touch." The cocky pilot looked meaningfully at Kaidan. When he got no response, he continued. "Alright. See, Shepard's been on some weird kick since your little rendezvous the other day. Since she figures they've got more bugs than I've got eyes on this ship, she dragged my butt out of my hard-won seat and set up this little rig here in East Nowhere after responding to some distress call that turned out to be some kid lighting beacons for fun. Oh, and I'm fine by the way."

Overwrought and exhausted, Kaidan had no defense against the wave of nearly hysterical laughter that overtook him. Struggling to stay upright, he clutched the back of Ash's chair. It was just so… Joker. He'd even drawn a little smiley face on the "C" emblem of his Cerberus uniform. With a speech bubble.

He was thwacked over the back of the head by Ash for his mirth. Though, her voice was not quite as bitter as she added, "Sure commander, give him more ego, why don't you?"

Kaidan did sober up, but it was the thought of Shepard more than the hit to the head that did it. "Where is she?"

"Where else would she be? Putting the fear of God, Goddess, and Santa Claus into that dumb kid. Poor thing will probably be afraid of terminals for the rest of his life or he'll become a devious hacker. Either way." Joker shrugged.

As the deep falling sensation of disappointment dropped through him, Kaidan found himself surprised at just how much he'd wanted to see Shepard. Still… He glanced at the chief who was readying another volley of insults and accusations. A few choice words with Shepard the next time he _did_ see her would be called for.

"Speaking of fear," Ash began, unable to hold it back any longer. "When I find your ass, you can't even imagine the things I'm going to do to you."

"Oh?" Joker raised a brow with clear innuendo. "Do tell."

"Not even close. You had better have a good reason why you're with _them_. Did you fall down? Break that little head of yours and not remember all the labs we went through, the attacks… Kahoku?" Ash's entire body was rigid with anger. Even with his hand just near her shoulder on the chair headrest, the commander could feel her temperature rise.

Or it could have been his imagination. As it was, the chief looked as though she was ready to shoot lasers through the holoprojector. Kaidan pulled his hand away and stepped back, torn between the urge to give the two privacy and his need for answers.

"C'mon Williams. You know why." Joker frowned. Then his top half disappeared from view only to reappear a moment later with a little model _Normandy_.

Why he'd been carrying it or where it had come from was well beyond Kaidan's comprehension. However, the sight of Moreau's digital ghost flying the little ship through the air like a parent trying to coax mashed peas down a toddler's throat was almost enough to send him into another bout of uncontrollable laughter. He snorted as he tried to contain it, figuring he really was losing his mind.

If Ash was amused at all, she was showing more restraint than the commander had ever seen in her. "Why them?"

"Hey…" Joker shrugged as he set the model down. "You know anyone else with a state-of-the-art stealth ship that handles like this and I'm all yours."

"So that's it? You just go wherever your ride is?" The chief crossed her arms.

"No. I go where I can _do_ something. What can you say you've done lately? They probably had you on crap missions on little out-of-the-way moons just so you're not near enough people to cause a stir should you say the word Reaper." Moreau wiggled his fingers in the air in a mock menacing gesture. "Am I right?"

Kaidan and Ash exchanged a glance, confirming that, though it was true, they would never say so out loud.

"I am. I knew it. Listen, all that bad shit from before? It's coming back and _hard_. I know the Alliance has got its head up its ass as usual, but you gotta find a way to get them moving. We… might not be there to pull your boots out of the fire."

"And just what does that mean? I think I've done pretty well for myself for the past two years without your help." Ash lifted her chin upward defiantly, but there was a serious edge to the set of it.

"Ow, that'll teach me to try to do you any favors." Joker brought his hands away from the screen as though burned.

"What do you mean coming back? Is it the Reapers or something else?" Kaidan frowned, expecting the worst.

"It's not the Reapers - not yet, but they're still coming. I can't tell you much more. You wouldn't believe me."

"Try me." Ash glared.

"The Protheans aren't dead. They're being used by the Reapers. Not just their tech, the whole kit and caboodle - flesh, blood, and nasties."

"How is that possible?" Kaidan took a step closer.

"Well, first you take a Prothean, age him until he's good an ancient, work a little magic and Poof. Collector. How should I know? Reaper methodology isn't exactly my specialty."

"Wait – the Protheans are the Collectors!? Those bastards. They know about this. They have to. Sure, a few years without an attack and they're calling it a win, but wait folks, there's more." Ash threw up her hands after nearly tearing the arm off of her chair.

"That must be why Anderson sent us."

"Ohh, Anderson. How is the old dog? Haven't seen him since… well, since he hit me with the bad news." Joker lowered the register of his voice in a cheap imitation of their former captain. "Well done, Moreau. As thanks, the Brass has decided that you never get to fly again."

"That isn't what happened and it still doesn't explain why you turned your back on everything we stood for." Ash's hands flexed as though itching to get at the pilot.

"Sorry, not into reruns today." Unusually serious, Joker paused a moment, studying Ash's face.

For the first time, Kaidan took a close look at the little he could see of the background behind Moreau. "Where are you?"

Joker fell off screen as something they couldn't see caught his attention. He stood, falling out of view entirely, but his voice remained. "And that's my cue. Gotta run kiddies. Be good. Keep the bugs off your back."

Williams made a strange choking noise, but from behind her, Kaidan couldn't figure out why. He moved closer, placing a hand again on her shoulder. "Ash?"

The chief's only response was to lean forward, past the projector, and punch in a command sequence into the nearby terminal. "Last buoy was a warning station near…" Her voice was strained as she read the series of coordinates, tracing the call backwards. "the Omega 4 Relay. Wait, that doesn't make any sense."

"It does if you're Shepard." Kaidan shook his head, leaning in to confirm the readout with his own eyes.

Ash drew her fingers outward, zooming out of the screen until multiple planets and systems popped up along the outskirts of the map. "There's nothing there but debris."

"It's possible Joker rerouted the sequence. He did mention they were under surveillance." Kaidan's eyes followed the buoy sequences out from the relay, calculating possible comm routes.

"Look, there's Horizon." Ash tapped the glowing screen. It was hard to miss the colony, earmarked as it was by the ship's nav.

"Population of 654,930. Large orbit. Long days. A little on the cold side with thick atom and low grav…" The commander read the spec, looking for something to make the planet stick out.

"And deadly microbes. Wonderful. Hope you're up to date on your vaccines, Commander."

"Why here?" Kaidan frowned.

"Because it would be too much to hope for aliens to attack barren and disgusting planets?" Ash shrugged. "It is far out of Alliance control."

"So is Omega and it's more populated… though I'd imagine these colonists have fewer weapons than just one of the gangs."

"Alright. I can't take it anymore!" Rather than continuing the current conversation, Ash thrust her hands outward in frustration. "What the hell are they up to? What's going on here?"

"The better question is.." The room was eerily silent as Kaidan tried to connect the dots. "Can we figure it out before it's too late?"


	18. Screaming Stillness

Horizon.

The planet was nothing like Kaidan expected. It was more Earth-like than many of the places he'd been. He'd had several weeks to experience it all and he couldn't remember the last time he'd had solid ground under his feet for that long. He had grown accustomed to the colonists' routines and the small, but deadly dangers that were inherent with the turf. Most importantly, he had kept himself busy enough to avoid focusing on that one, unattainable point of fantasy and turmoil. She who, at that moment, could remain nameless.

He was the job or, at least, he tried to be. What he hadn't grown accustomed to was their attitude. At every turn there was some criticism of his work, some backhanded conversation he wasn't supposed to hear, and the eerie hush that filled a room every time he or any of his crew entered it. He shouldn't let it bother him, but left in silence with nothing but the hundredth attempt at calibrating the colony's new defense towers to deal with, the feeling found a way to creep in from time to time.

There had to be something wrong with the towers that he just couldn't pinpoint. Every time he seemed to get the targeting matrix aligned, a new problem would pop up and by the time that was dealt with, the towers couldn't hit a mountain at a hundred meters. Either it was the the buggiest software he'd ever seen or there was some sort of sabotage going on.

He heard Tenari move a half dozen meters away. Ash would be there too, officially following procedure, but really just keeping the colonists away. It would stop the saboteur unless the damage was being done remotely… But why? It was the question the commander couldn't get his head around. With so much going wrong here, including the shutdown of the communications array, why would someone bother? Unless…

Kaidan looked up. "Booke, Take a sample of the soil and air around the towers. Analyze it for… anything unusual."

"Like tiny creatures with big, metallic appetites?" The lieutenant raised an insightful brow.

The commander nodded. "When you've ruled out everything else, usually what's left…" He trailed off as the numbers on the screen in front of him just clicked into place - almost. _Just a hair more… A little more… And gone again. _

The next time Kaidan looked up, Booke was gone and the sky had turned from cheerful sunshine to a mottled blue and purple. He'd been at this for hours. He stood, stretched, and reached behind him to rub his neck. It was then he noted Lilith.

The only colonist who had been at least cordial to him was standing nearby, a steamy cup of something cradled in her hands. "You looked so deep into it, I didn't want to disturb you."

Kaidan wiped the back of his hand across his forehead. "I guess I was. That for me?" He hated to hazard the guess for the awkwardness that would follow if he was wrong, but he could really have used something comforting about then.

"Of course." Lilith nodded as she moved closer to hand the cup over, but there was a catch. "Listen, We appreciate the effort you've been putting in, but getting our comm systems back online has to take priority."

The commander looked down into the cup he cradled in his hands, a bitter tea that smelled better than he knew it would taste. "I'm surprised people haven't tried to blame that one on me too."

"People here don't trust the Alliance. It's nothing personal." Lilith rested a hand on his shoulder.

Kaidan forced a harsh chuckle. "Yeah, I'll tell myself that the next time I find dirt in my coffee."

"Delan." Lilith groaned as she shook her head. "Don't let him get to you, commander."

Kaidan shook his head with a sigh. There was nothing to be done.

"Dinner?" Lilith offered in a friendly and almost hopeful manner.

The commander shrugged. "Sure." He was reading too much into her tone anyway.

Kaidan collected his gear and the pair made their way toward the colony's main eatery. Manned by a retired farmer, the construct had proved to be a fairly equitable way of dividing the crop hauls. It was also much less like a mess hall or restaurant and more like a school cafeteria. In general, he avoided actually eating there.

Ash caught up to them as they passed Delan's house. Her armor clinked with the urgency of her pace. "Commander, there's something you should see."

Kaidan looked to Lilith and was about to excuse himself from dinner when she responded. "Don't even think you're leaving me out. If it affects this colony, I need to know."

The commander nodded and the three of them hurried to a ridge where Tenari and Booke were watching the sky like hawks.

"What is that?" Lilith asked as the darkening clouds parted enough to reveal a black spires moving along the horizon.

Forgetting about the cup that crashed to the ground, Kaidan threw on his helmet. Together with his crew, raised his weapon though it would do little good from this range. The ship above moved closer and it was then that he became aware of the growing audience at their backs.

Tenari cursed as he peered through the scope of his rifle and shouted, "Incoming!" His voice was nearly lost in a crash of lightning and a dark black mass that was moving toward them.

"Booke, get everyone to the safe house. I'll cover you - run!" Kaidan ordered. "Hurry."

And then there were bugs. Fist-size bugs everywhere. Williams, Tenari, and Kaidan opened fire on the air itself. Colonists were falling down, tripping over each other as they tried to run away. There were too many to shield. The ones who fell, did not get up.

Next to him, Lilith stumbled. Kaidan caught her arm, propelling her up and forward as he signaled a retreat and turned to run.

A half dozen bugs rained down on his shoulder and bounced harmlessly to the ground under Tenari's hail of fire. More filled their place almost instantly. "I hate fucking bugs!" the corporal called as he popped his heat sink.

Then there was no sound from him. Still running, Kaidan turned. Tenari was frozen, rifle pointed at the air. "Come on!" he called though a dark feeling in his gut told him something was seriously wrong.

The commander's boot hit hard upon something on the ground before him and his own momentum carried him sprawling to the ground. Above him, Lilith turned, offering a hand and Kaidan watched in horror as her body stiffened and her unblinking eyes stared out at him with silent screams.

A gloved hand pulled on a plate at the back of his armor, insisting he rise. He and Ash ran side by side through a black mist of bugs. They were lucky only in that their armor provided fewer opportunities to be bitten than the colonists' work clothes, but they were not immune.

He couldn't see Booke or Lilith, but as trees and buildings flew by, he didn't see much of anything beyond the rushing ground.

Sharp pain exploded at the back of his neck. Still in motion, he reached back and pulled the bug off. His steps slowed as though the gravity of the planet had doubled. Then he could not move then at all. His fingers remained frozen around the creature clutched within them and he could not look away.

Just before his peripheral vision blurred entirely, Kaidan saw Ash's pink and white armor hesitate then continue running. _Run Ash, run, _ he urged silently.

All around him he heard buzzing, screaming, and finally… silence.

The silence was the worst of it all. He couldn't turn his head even half a degree to see who was laying next to his feet. Didn't know who had made it out.. or if any of them had.

Kaidan tried everything. When sheer willpower would not force his limbs to move, he reached for the biotic energy within him. The power that normally buzzed throughout his body felt cold as though it had died away, leaving only a corpse behind.

Panic surged up in its place, his body trying desperately to move. Unable to perform the action itself, Kaidan imagined himself taking a deep breath, calming his muscles as he'd done many times before. He imagined that he was not trapped here, but holding still by his own choice to avoid detection by the enemy.

The ruse satisfied the wild energy within that wanted nothing more than to either sprint away or pick up the largest rifle he could find and blast each and every one of these bugs out of existence. It would not be fooled for long.

Each passing second was a test in the endurance of his rational self. _Can't move,_ he told himself,_ not yet. It's not time yet._ What reserves of his mind he could use toward another end, he spent calculating the possible make-up of the paralytic the bugs had injected versus the expulsion capacity of his hardsuit's medical interface. The results were not promising. The device had been created to resist toxins, not reject them. Still, it was possible that given enough time, it could speed the time it took for this effect to wear off. Assuming it did wear off.

He refused to think of what could happen to him next. His complete vulnerability to any hostile and the eventual dangers of dehydration and starvation would only feed the insanity brewing within. He would not think about that. He would not think about the possibility that this toxin could kill him on its own.

_Dammit!_

The more he fought, the more graphic the visions of his own death became. Marshaling all of his reserves, he shut the useless train of thought down.

Then he heard it.

Gunfire. Multiple contacts were firing somewhere near by. Kaidan strained to pick out information from the staccato bursts. The assault was being returned. As the battle played out, he pictured the colony, drew on his battlefield knowledge and the way the weapons echoed to play out the skirmish in his head. Guessing that a particular set of shots bore the subtle sound signature of the Kessler line, he colored that side of the field friendly though there may have been none of those at all.

The world around him exploded in a sonic hell as a large-scale detonation sent the ground beneath him shaking and his body falling to the ground.

Falling…

Falling…

Thud.


	19. Moving On

Pain flooded Kaidan's body, but this pain was a good thing. If he could feel the burning protests of his body after his unprotected fall, he could damn well move something. He wasn't sure how long he was there as focused on his fingers, pouring everything he had into just clutching the grass beneath him. He imagined the weedy feel of it, the waxy thickness.

Neither of those things he'd be able to feel through his gloves anyway, but as his fingers bent forward, making the grass bend under their weight, his mind was flooded with elation. He didn't care if he'd made a great stride somehow or if the toxin was simply wearing off. His fingers, his arms, his shoulders worked and he was able to push himself into a sitting position.

Standing was more difficult. It still felt as though he was trying to walk through a heavy undertow, but he managed. His vision was blurry. The dark shapes on the ground he knew to be colonists were so unfocused he couldn't tell one from the next. Slowly, as his eyes grew accustomed to blinking once more, shadows began to sharpen.

It didn't help. There were only a few bodies around him rather than the multitude he'd seen fall. Lilith and Tenari were not among them, but Booke was. As he tried to pull up the signals from his team, Kaidan crouched at at her side. There was nothing but interference. Restraining a burst of unhelpful emotion, he focused on the signs from the lieutenant's hardsuit. Her vitals were strong, but there was nothing he could do to break this... whatever it was.

The commander looked down at Booke, trying to reassure her with his eyes. As he searched for comforting words, it occurred to him that his freedom may have been bought by his biotic metabolism. It was either that or the lieutenant had been bitten later on. Unable to quite lift her yet, he dragged her rigid body into a nearby house as he performed a visual check to confirm what he'd already seen in his HUD. She was going to be fine. At least, as far as he could tell. Stiffly, he stood. The words still would not come. As he rose, Kaidan gripped Booke's hand in a brief squeeze. "Hang in there. I'll get the others. We'll all be back."

Kaidan cursed himself as he cautiously stepped out of the door and surveyed the land. There was no sign of the bug creatures or the groups that had been involved in the earlier firefight. He moved around the colony, establishing a perimeter. There was simply nothing. He was about to return to the field he'd collapsed in to tend to the remaining colonists when the sound of a voice sent him to cover against a storage crate. Seconds ticked slowly by as his fingers tensed around the rifle he didn't remember drawing and he waited for one more word.

"Shepard, wait… I know that name." There was no mistaking the bitter quality of the gravely voice. Delan.

Kaidan stepped around the crates blocking his vision as he tried to clear the hazy effects from the last… however long it had been… from his head. He pulled off his helmet, needing to see more than it was allowing.

"… some type of big Alliance hero," Delan was saying. There was no respect in the man's voice. Not surprising, but Kaidan couldn't help his reaction to it.

He cleared the crates and walked into the open. "Commander Shepard…" He found her standing right in front of him and his eyes locked on hers. "Captain of the _Normandy_, the first human Spectre, savior of the Citadel," he said in a low, reverent voice, partially for Delan's benefit, but also to remind Shepard just how much she'd meant before she switched sides. To the Alliance, the populace of Council space… Him.

She still meant so much to him. Seeing her now, helmet in one hand and flanked by a tall, dark-haired man who wore the Cerberus emblem with pride and… _Garrus? _Had the entire team defected to Shepard's side? And how did a turian end up working for such a pro-human group?

His mind couldn't process it all. He turned away, his mouth continuing to move on its own. "You're in the presence of a legend, Delan. And a ghost." He wanted to reach out to touch her like he hadn't before. He wanted to make sure she didn't disappear a third time. Instead, he stood his ground.

"All the people we lost and you get left behind. Figures," Delan responded bitterly as he threw up a hand in dismissal. "Screw this. I'm done with you Alliance types."

He walked away and it was just Kaidan and Shepard. And her new team.

"Alenko," Garrus began as he stepped forward. "Nice of you to visit."

The wording was strange. This was a battle, not a visit. Suddenly, it clicked into place. Garrus had been on Omega. Garrus had sent that email. As Kaidan stared at the smoking remains of unidentifiable slag between the defense towers, he felt as though his world had been upended. Shepard was doing everything she always had been. And what had he been doing? Grading papers from biotic students.

But it was Cerberus. Every past mission that had been tied to the amoral group slid through his mind like a rapid vid display. He didn't understand. Mechanically, he extended a hand outward and said only a single word. "Garrus."

The turian shook his hand and looked at Shepard. Then back at Kaidan. "I'm going to check the perimeter, make sure we got them all," he said awkwardly. As he backed away, he cleared his throat. "Taylor."

"Right," the officer responded. "Could be more survivors."

Then it really was just Shepard and Kaidan.

Silence fit between them like the expanse of a bed. She on one side, he on the other, and both, he assumed, wanting to get to the middle. There was a sort of comfort in just being that close, but the next move, the next thing he should say kept tumbling through Kaidan's mind, bringing with it excruciating discomfort that managed to coexist with the simple pleasure of being in Shepard's company.

He hugged her. He needed to know if she would respond - needed her to stay exactly where she was. She was like a dream he didn't want to relinquish to wakefulness just yet.

His armor clinked against hers and there was none of the warm softness of a hug. He was close to her, but still… far away. But when she wrapped her arms around his back and squeezed, they might as well have been wearing nothing at all.

As they pulled away, Shepard's eyes glinted in the sun and Kaidan was reminded of the optical display of a LOKI mech. He stepped back. "Ash was right."

_Ash. Where was Ash? _

Shepard stared at Kaidan quizzically as he pulled further away. "Ash was right about what?"

"You're not Shepard," Kaidan answered without thinking as he scanned the surrounding area for a familiar Phoenix hardsuit.

"I'm not…" Shepard was glaring now. The intensity was enough to fully secure Kaidan's attention. She marched up to him, placed her hands on his chest plate and pushed. "First, Ash is fine."

_Had he said that out loud? Oof!_

Kaidan did not see the wall behind him until it slammed into his back, forcing air from his lungs in a surprised whoosh.

"Second, I did not spend all this time reclaiming my life while at every turn someone tried to turn me into something different." She pushed into his chest again, her eyes blazing as she stared up at him. "You look me in the eyes, Kaidan Alenko, and you tell me again that I am not Shepard."

He could't help but follow her orders. He looked long and hard into the alien apertures that had replaced Shepard's eyes and instead of synthetics, he saw a warrior's compassion and all of the strength, integrity, and love that he'd seen two years ago.

Kaidan blinked and in that moment, time leaped forward and he was kissing Shepard. Her lips were pressed against his predatorily and he responded as though he could eat her alive. The air was alive with warmth and need.

Suddenly, Shepard was against the wall and he didn't know how they'd changes positions any more than he could recall how their kiss began, but he continued pouring two years of longing and denial into it.

"Shepard," he whispered when they finally separated.

"Damn right," she replied with a hard nod.

And then he had to ruin it. "Why?" he asked, unable to stop his mouth from forming the word. His hand was cupping her jawline through tangles of hair and he could see every emotion as they passed through her eyes.

The one she settled on… was none. Shepard threw up the blank face she wore so well and replied evenly. "Why… Cerberus? I was dead. They found my body and put me back together. No matter how much I hate the thought, every breath I draw now is because of them."

It sounded almost rehearsed. Kaidan surmised that he wasn't the first to ask this question. Every argument Ash had thrown at Joker ran through his head and he just couldn't do it - not now. It killed him to see that "C" on her uniform, but there were some things he needed to understand more. "Why didn't you contact me?"

"I was told when I woke up two years had passed. That's a long time. Figured you'd moved on." Shepard's eyes were stony, cold.

She was lying. _But why?_ "I did move on. I mean, I thought I had." He shook his head and lowered his voice to show the emotion he was searching for in hers. "Seeing you muddies things for me, Shepard. It always has."

"I know." The ice in her eyes melted just enough to convert those two matter-of-fact words into three more meaningful ones.

Or he was reading too much into it. "At the dock, why did you leave?"

Shepard chuckled then. "It was the best call for Niket's survival."

Kaidan nodded. It was still somewhat unusual, but it made sense given the little knew about this Miri. "Did you find Oriana?"

"Yes." Shepard smiled as though recalling a particularly good memory.

"Why was your drell trying to kill Tenari?" If he kept asking questions, he wouldn't fall prey to either of the battling urges to rage at or kiss her.

She flinched then. It wasn't a bodily action as it would be in most people, but there in her eyes, he could see it. "Do you know who Tenari is?"

He nodded slowly. "And.. your drell does too." Rage was rapidly gaining ground.

"Kaidan, I-" Shepard cut off her own words as she leaned in to kiss him again.

Kaidan held up his hand, stopping her. Had he not been wearing gloves - had he been able to feel her lips on his fingers, he might not have been able to say what he was about to.

But he was.

"Goodbye, Shepard."


End file.
